Yeah, it might be Halloween time and you may be in the middle of watching spooky movies to get in the holiday spirit, but Titanic just became available on Netflix.
April 10, 1912. The actual ship Titanic set sail from Southampton on its doomed voyage across the Atlantic.
April 15, 1912. Titanic sinks and becomes an international headline.
December 19, 1997. We are given the gift we don’t deserve, Titanic staring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
A lot of my friends are busy this October decorating for their Halloween parties and getting ready to shock and awe with their awesome costumes, but instead I chose to sit at home with my roommate and watch Titanic on Netflix, because honestly, why wouldn’t I? When you realize that the best movie to grace the art of cinema (exaggeration? I think not) is now available to watch whenever you want, you need to get on that asap.
As someone who’s obsessed with the movie and subsequently the actual historic events of the Titanic, I feel like it’s my civic duty to remind you all why you should be watching this classic ’90s film instead of marathoning American Horror Story or trying to get scared out of your wits.
- Let’s start simple: Leonardo DiCaprio
- Kate Winslet
- Kathy Bates
- It’s four hours of epic romance but also brutal deaths. Sure, the first two hours might be an epic romance, but the final hours are full of horrific deaths and a guy who hits the propeller and spins until he hits the water. If that doesn’t make Titanic good Halloween viewing, then I quit.
- You aren’t going to get nightmares from The Iceberg. You might, however, have nightmares about the dead people in the water at the end. …just skip that part.
- You can spend your time hating Cal instead of being scared of Michael Meyers.
- Learn about a sweet boy from Wisconsin who went ice fishing with his father on Lake Wissota.
- Empathize with the rich girl with a bratty mother and nothing but bad debt hidden by a good name.
- Be reminded how underappreciated Picasso was
- You can practice your “king of the world” pose
- You’ll learn how to spit
- See Kate chug like a pro.
- Listen to the irony of the song they chose to sing at church.
“Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee / For those in peril on the sea” - Roll your eyes at the lack of lifeboats. Seriously, after watching this you’re going to want to count the life boats on any cruise you go on ever.
- You’re gonna want to punch the captain for ignoring iceberg warnings. Again. And again. Fun fact: Did you know Captain Edward J. Smith was skippering (captaining for you non-ship folks) Titanic‘s sister ship, Olympic, when it ran into a navy cruiser? This delayed the Titanic‘s original sail date of March 20 to April 10, sealing her fate.
- Want your own Jack to help you fly across the Atlantic.
- Realize your inner dream to be a nude model.
- Realize your dream to be the artist drawing nude models.
- Sex goals
- And more sex goals
- Hold your breath hoping Rose’s dress doesn’t catch fire in the boiler room. Fun fact: This dress was made specifically to look good both wet and dry, which is why Rose looks flawless while drowning.
- Watch a part of history unfold as the Titanic hits the iceberg. And then have the horrible realization that you’re almost thankful that history played out this way to give you this movie. …No? Just me? Whoops.
- See stuck up rich people stay stuck up in an emergency.
- Want to punch Cal in his pretty eyebrow-waxed face… again.
- And cheer when he gets spit on
- Root for Jack and the rest of the third class as they show the man who’s boss by knocking down fences and punching stupid cruise line workers.
- Get your heart broken by Rose leaving Jack, and then yell at her for jumping back on, and then root for her getting back to Jack. This is an emotional roller coaster of a movie, people.
- Laugh at Cal as he realizes he just lost a 56 carat diamond by forgetting it was in the jacket he gave Rose.
- Cry your eyes out during the band’s final song.
- Feel the spirit of Halloween by watching everyone die, or look away during those parts. There are two kinds of people in the world.
- Enjoy the clip of the guy hitting the propeller, but immediately feel horrible about it.
- Yell at Rose for not moving over on that damn door. Even the Mythbusters proved that Jack and Rose could have survived if Rose moved over and they were just a little smarter about it.
- Get a good cry as Rose yells, “Jack! Jack! There’s a boat, Jack.”
- Take a deep breath as you realize Rose is about to get saved and start a new life.
- Gasp as Rose has kept Cal’s necklace for no apparent reason. Greedy little…
- Then gasp again as she throws it into the ocean.
- Replay it so you can continue to torture yourself like the classy, period piece watching, grown adult you are.
