10:00 am EST, February 14, 2017

TV ships that need to sink and sail this Valentine’s Day

Your heart is about to swell or break.

Valentine’s Day 2017 has a new batch of TV ships that need to lower and raise the anchor. Let’s confess some love and break some hearts.

Ships that need to sink

Steve/Nancy – ‘Stranger Things’

I hate Steve. Nancy deserves better than the guy who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer in episode 1, who’s friends with people who think they’re ‘too cool’ to hang out with ‘prude Nancy,’ who doesn’t care when his girlfriend’s best friend is missing, and who thinks it’s a good idea to slander his girlfriend’s name largely and publicly just because he’s angry.

It’s true Steve develops as a character and by the last episode he’s a good guy, but I don’t buy it. His development happens overnight. It’s not enough time to forgive and forget everything he’s done. It’s not enough that Nancy has forgiven him. She shouldn’t have. At least, she shouldn’t have forgiven him that quickly, and it would have been better to see a progression in Steve’s character instead of a sudden shift. Nancy is a good person who deserves an equally good person.

Melissa/Argent – ‘Teen Wolf’

I did not spend six years of my life watching Melissa McCall and Sheriff Stilinski raise their sons side by side, have each other’s backs, and be generally cute, just to have it thrown out the window for a plot device. That’s right, the only reason Melissa and Stilinski don’t end up together is because the Sheriff’s wife ‘came back’ and it obviously wouldn’t have been right for him to be falling for Melissa while his wife is around.

You expect me to get behind this ship just because Argent suddenly appears in Melissa’s kitchen, the two have crazy adventures and save each other’s lives, and fall for each other? Okay, yeah, I can kind of get behind it, but I’m not happy about it.

Ubbe/Hvitserk/Margrethe – ‘Vikings’

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It’s not the threesome we wanted, but it’s the threesome we got. Ubbe and Margrethe are married, but she is also shared with Ubbe’s brother, Hvitserk. It wasn’t uncommon for vikings to share women, but it still seems odd for a woman to be shared among brothers.

However, it isn’t this brotherly trade-off that’s put this ship on the sink list. It’s more because, who cares? This relationship started this season, and feels thrown in and pointless. Out of the three, Ubbe is the most developed character, followed by Hvitserk, then Margrethe. Margrethe, however, is barely developed at all. It’s hard to have an opinion on her one way or the other because there’s nothing to her. She’s just there to be a love interest for these brothers, only one of which we actually know enough about. Presumably this arrangement will not last long, and might end up causing tension between Ubbe and Hvitserk, but in the meantime, it’s pointless and boring.

Howard/Bernadette – ‘The Big Bang Theory’

The likelihood of these two getting a divorce is slim to none, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hope. This relationship seems to be all give on Bernadette’s part, and all take on Howard’s part. You don’t even have to go that far back to recognize how one-sided this relationship is. Bernadette had stated that she didn’t want to have kids, she didn’t have the maternal drive, nor did she think she would have maternal instincts. She just didn’t like kids. But Howard wanted kids, so guess what? Out popped a baby.

Since Howard was the one who wanted a child, you’d think he’d do what he can to help out, right? Of course not. For her entire pregnancy, Bernadette was helped by Howard’s two friends, and even now, after the baby was born, she has more support from Raj and Stuart than her own husband. Just before going out one night, Bernadette tells Raj to call her, not Howard, if he needs any help. “I would never call Howard,” Raj replies. Does that sound like someone who was ready for a baby? Poor Bernadette is forced to solely take care of a child she didn’t want, because her husband is ‘hilariously’ inadequate. Yeah, that’s real funny.

Rick/Michonne – ‘The Walking Dead’

Listen. We all know happy endings in this show don’t exist. Nobody wants Rick and Michonne’s relationship to fail. In fact, two years ago we wanted them to sail, and still do. However, we’re not naive enough to think this happiness will last, which means one of three things will happen: 1) they break up 2) Rick dies 3) Michonne dies

Do you really want one of them to die? Let’s be even more realistic. Between Rick and Michonne, Michonne would be the one to die. Rick is the lead, so he’s not going anywhere for a very long time. So let’s rephrase: do you really want Michonne to die? I didn’t think so. In that case, they need to split.

Ships that need to sail

Kara/Lena – ‘Supergirl’

I’ll be honest, I don’t actually watch Supergirl. I’ve only ever seen Kara in The Flash and Arrow crossover episodes. That said, I’ve seen so much Supercorp on the internet that even I ship it. What’s with those lingering stares? Who bites their lip when talking to someone unless they’re interested in them? And that hug, though, the week of Valentine’s Day? If this show isn’t setting up for some romance down the road, there will be hell to pay.

Also, I still don’t know the context of ‘corp’. Seriously, guys, why isn’t it Karlena or Lenara?

Joyce/Hopper – ‘Stranger Things’

Aside from shipping Barb with life, you’re fooling yourself if Joyce and Hopper isn’t your biggest ship on Stranger Things. Despite Hopp’s questionable introduction as a useless drunken idiot, we quickly learn he’s actually a badass with a big heart. Not only do people not believe Joyce, nobody listens to her either, except Hopp. Even when he doesn’t believe her, he listens to her ‘crazy talk,’ and instead of brushing her off, he tries to comfort her. But he still follows up with her theories, and doesn’t dismiss unusual evidence just because it seems absurd.

He’s there for Joyce at a time when she needs someone most, he cares about her kids, and he can (probably) keep up with Joyce’s ferocity. She needs someone caring, and he needs someone to whip him back into shape. They’re a perfect upside-down match.

Clarke/Bellamy – ‘The 100’

Clarke and Bellamy were on our list in 2015, and again in 2016 with the addition of Clexa. We got Clexa, if briefly, and now Clarke is solo again. But if Bellarke is to ever weigh anchor, they’re taking their sweet time to hoist the sails. If they even happen this season, it won’t be until the very end. Clarke has barely had a moment to grieve for Lexa, so it’s unlikely she’ll be opening her heart for someone else too soon.

At present, their relationship has been close but platonic, so unless we’re in for some speedy development during a life or death moment, it’s going to take time for these two to realize their love for each other.

Ivar/Alfred – ‘Vikings’

Even after Athelstan’s death in season 3, Ragnar and Athelstan were still the best ship on Vikings. Frankly, despite Ragnar’s death, they are still the best ship on the show. But that could all change with Athelstan’s son Alfred, and Ragnar’s son Ivar. It was evident very quickly that Alfred has inherited Athelstan’s gentleness and kind heart, where Ivar has Ragnar’s snark and aggression. Somehow this combination worked well for Ragnar and Athelstan, and it appears it will work well with their sons, too.

We’ve only had a small interaction between between Ivar and Alfred, but it’s enough to see there’s a potential for an Ragnar and Athelstan 2.0. Both characters are historically known to be intelligent, so how befitting that their first interaction together is playing chess? Ivar, never quick to give praise, is even impressed by Alfred. It’s only a small moment, but here’s hoping it’s the start of something great.

Daenerys/Yara – ‘Game of Thrones’

Whether this ship is platonic or romantic, it needs to sail, fly, or whatever has to happen to get off the ground. There has not been a more obvious ship in Game of Thrones. You could put the Titanic in the Dothraki Sea, and Dany and Yara would still be more obvious (but hopefully not as tragic).

In season 6, when Yara comes to Dany to propose an alliance, she makes it quite clear there’s more to the offer than just an army, and Dany actually seems quite amused by this. True, Dany is probably more in love with the literal ships Yara is offering than Yara herself, but it’s still great to see two powerful women team up.

What TV ships do you want to see sink and sail?

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