The Oscars have many different award categories, but they can’t possibly cover all of the memorable moments of the last year in filmmaking. Here are some categories that should definitely exist.
As the Oscars draw near, we’re all excited to see who will win Best Picture, Best Actor or Best Actress… but those categories don’t cover everything that we’ve enjoyed about movies in the last year. It would be nice if more ordinary things could receive awards as well.
The Academy Award categories are chosen by a Board of Governors every year, which decides which categories to continue, discontinue, or open for the first time. Some categories have been rejected in the past, such as Best Casting, Best Stunt Coordination and Best Design — clearly they have a very narrow set of categories in mind — but that isn’t going to stop us from coming up with some categories of our own.
Here are some categories that won’t be — but should be! — featured in this year’s Oscars. And naturally, each one has nominees.
It might seem like too specific a category to have nominees every year, but there’s a surprising abundance of notable mustaches in cinema every year. In 2017, we saw some particularly impressive ones, so of course they must be pitted against each other to see which one would win. This year’s nominees:
Kenneth Branagh in Murder On the Orient Express: If there’s anything we’ll take away from the movie, it’ll be his moustache, which deserved 3D all on its own. It’s impeccable styling managed to distract from the fact that Branagh really shouldn’t ever wear a moustache.
Peter Dinklage in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: Dinklage’s role in Three Billboards was a minor, but memorable one. Seeing him on screen quickly made Game of Thrones fans like myself feel at home, but the volume and shape of his moustache stole the show.
Henry Cavill in Justice League: So you can’t exactly see the moustache for the duration of the movie, but it’s definitely there. For anyone who walked out of Justice League feeling slightly confused at the blurry strangeness in Cavill’s face: he was contractually obligated to keep a moustache for his film Mission Impossible, so reshoots had to have a mustachioed Superman… which was then shaved off with CGI. It definitely wasn’t the best moustache this year, but it made its mark.
The fact that this category doesn’t exist is an offense to every director who has ever painstakingly crafted a perfect kissing scene. In an industry where every lead couple gets at least one kiss, it can be hard to make a kiss stand out as the best. But this year had some amazing, memorable kisses, and they deserve recognition. This year’s nominees:
Elio and Oliver in Call Me By Your Name: From the acting, to the scenery, to the rapid-fire dialogue, to the actual kiss itself, everything about this scene was perfect. It felt like an idyllic moment taken directly from real life, and because it felt so realistic, you could actually feel the same nerves and excitement the characters were feeling.
Diana and Steve in Wonder Woman: We all knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it any less beautiful to watch. And our tuition that Steve was going to die later on made us feel relief when we knew that at least the two of them would get this moment. From Diana taking the lead to the adoring expression in Steve’s eyes, everything about this scene was perfect.
Best Actor Who Should Have Been Given More To Work With
Every year, films cast actors that are much too overqualified for the small roles they are given. Given the fact that many of us go to see these films because of how much we love these actors, it would seem natural that these movies would make an effort to give them a bigger part in the movie, but we often end up just feeling offended on their behalf at how little they were allowed to do. This year’s nominees:
Zendaya in every movie she’s been in so far: Although her role in the film is always hugely promoted, Zendaya’s appearances in movies this year have been sadly minimal. She was hilarious in Spiderman: Homecoming, but we were sorely disappointed when we saw so little of her. The Greatest Showman didn’t do much better, either. When are we going to see Zendaya shine in the way she clearly has the talent for?
Cate Blanchett in Thor: Ragnarok: Literally the only criticism it’s possible to have for this amazing movie, the sloppy misuse of Blanchett’s talent and charisma in such a stereotypical villain as Hela should be a crime. Naturally, that didn’t end up detracting as much from the film as it would have had any other actor been cast in the role, because Blanchett is amazing and can pull off anything. It just would have been so much better if she had been given a chance to do something truly creative.
Peter Dinklage in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: As wonderfully as he performed in this film, Dinklage’s acting talent was criminally underused in a role that had him as not-even-a-love-interest the entire time. While it’s understandable that the story had to focus on the main characters, it’s a pity that we didn’t get to see more of him, because — as with every other role he’s had — he gave it his all and it was beautiful to watch.
Best Animal Actor
So far, the Academy Awards have strictly discriminated against non-human species, even though animal actors are actors too! Animals have featured in most films this year — with the exception of the weird CGI deer in Three Billboards — and they deserve their own category too, for their dramatic value and their cuteness value. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find pictures of this year’s nominees:
The Store Cat in Spiderman: Homecoming: We only saw his back and heard him meow, but this cat’s interaction with Peter Parker made us all fall in love with him. Even if the rest of the movie had been terrible, the cat’s performance would have saved it.
The Cat Who Saw It All in IT: The iconic scene at the beginning of the film, when Pennywise takes his first victim, had another truly stirring performance. The cat who played the neighbor’s cat, who saw everything happen, really brought poignancy to the scene with its mournful eyes and the weight of knowledge on its shoulders.
Rocket in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. II: Okay, so technically Rocket is played by Bradley Cooper, but he had a very real racoon that he’s modeled after, called Oreo, and besides his adorable name (which deserves on award all on its own) we owe all the great Rocket scenes in Guardians of the Galaxy to him. And yeah, Bradley Cooper was great too.
Most Fun Picture
So they aren’t Best Picture-worthy because they aren’t that profound, but they still stir our hearts and make us laugh, and fall in love with the main characters. Why isn’t there an Award for Most Fun Picture? This year gave us some particularly good ones which will define many a movie night in the future, and deserve that recognition. This year’s nominees:
Logan Lucky: This movie had it all: a heist, Southern accents, Mad Max’s Riley Keough driving fast cars, Channing Tatum being a good dad, Daniel Craig being insane, and Adam Driver being Adam Driver. What’s not to love? While heist movies are hardly ever Oscar-worthy, Logan Lucky was such a well-executed, funny roller coaster of a film that it deserves an award.
Baby Driver: Car chases to music? Ansel Egort being absolutely adorable and noble-hearted, and a truly fairytale-like quality to the whole thing? What a dream of a movie. While Baby Driver is already nominated to some of the “real” categories of the Academy Awards, we need an award to quantify just how fun this movie was.
Thor: Ragnarok: From the first scene, we were laughing, and by the time we got to “Get Help” it was almost hard to focus on the actual storyline because we were laughing so hard. The backdrop was always colorful, the cast showed that it can definitely pull off comedy, and Jeff Goldblum was there! Truly a feel-good movie with just enough heroics to keep you in the MCU.