1:30 pm EDT, May 2, 2017

The five Harry Potter deaths J.K. Rowling needs to apologize for next

Today is the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, the fight that finally brought down Voldemort.

As has become tradition, Rowling used the occasion to apologize for killing a character in the Harry Potter series: This year she’s sorry for killing Snape.

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This is the third year of her (arguably unnecessary) apology tour. In 2015 she apologized for Fred, and in 2016 she apologized for Lupin.

At the start of this tradition, Rowling said she’d aim to apologize for one character every year. So — if she insists on doing this annually — here are the Harry Potter character deaths she should apologize for in 2018 and beyond.

Harry Potter deaths to apologize for

1) Dumbledore

Perhaps the worst death in the series, Snape killing Dumbledore was the ultimate plot twist. For the sake of respecting one of the greatest wizards who ever lived, we humbly request that Rowling apologize for killing this guy. We’d also like an apology for revealing his sexuality orientation only after his death. Also: How could you apologize for killing Snape before Dumbledore? Rude.

(That said, we’re going to see him in the Fantastic Beasts series in what we expect to be a significant role, so maybe we don’t have to be so sad about this one anymore?)

2) Dobby

Update: J.K. Rowling apologized for his death one year after this article was published!

Poor Dobby was killed at the hand of Bellatrix, who ultimately gets what’s coming to her thanks to Molly (“NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”). Remember how MuggleNet’s Who Will Die in Harry Potter 7 book had the odds of Dobby dying at 100:1? Yeah, no one saw this little dude’s death coming. The most heartbreaking part about it was watching Harry hold the House Elf in his arms and burying him on the beach.

We want an apology for making us want to have a House Elf of our own.

3) Lavender Brown

Okay so here’s the thing about this one: I personally don’t believe that Lavender Brown was killed. It’s a long story, so just read this article in which I prove there’s no conclusive evidence that she died.

But I want an apology for misleading us into thinking she’s dead. For taking so damn long to confirm whether or not she’s alive (We STILL don’t know!). And if she is dead, I want an apology for not making her death abundantly clear in the book. I’m needy, I know!

4) Hagrid’s Flobberworms

Hagrid unintentionally killed these little guys when they were fed too much lettuce in Prisoner of Azkaban. Forget George R.R. Martin’s brutal methods — J.K. Rowling kills her characters with freakin’ vegetables. Apologize for this harsh and needless murder!

5) Tonks

Unlike Lavender, we know Tonks is 100% dead. We want an apology for killing her without giving us a proper death scene. We also want an apology for killing someone who had a child (Teddy!). The poor kid had to be raised by his grandmother, Andromeda. Fun fact: Rowling would later reveal Tonks was killed by Bellatrix.

Bonus: The Cursed Child

No, not the literal Cursed Child. J.K. Rowling should apologize for killing the hopes and dreams we had for The Cursed Child. Sorry, I had to. (And before you attack me: I actually really liked the play.)

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