Rachel, arm in arm with Brody, asks him to explain to her exactly what happens at the “Midnight Madness” competition that Kurt challenged her to. Brody describes it as NYADA’S “fight club” – with singing instead of punching. Twice a year, the students break into the school in the middle of the night for an illicit, underground sing-off. The winner of each challenge gets ultimate bragging rights forever and is the new king of the world, while the loser is shamed and humiliated and loses status. Rachel’s new little gay BFF minions overhear the tail end of their conversation, chiming in to add that there’s no way Kurt will beat her, and going on to make further fun of Kurt, his clothes, the fact that he joined Adam’s Apples, and question his placement at NYADA. The way they talk clearly makes Rachel uncomfortable and she defends Kurt, saying that he earned his place at the school, and Kurt, who’s overheard all this, comes up to tell Rachel not to bother – that he’s dealt with much worse than their bitchy gossip. Looking back at Kurt’s high school career, it sinks in how true this is, and it’s unsurprising that all of this just runs off his back, causing nothing more than a mild sigh from him.
Some of Emma’s fabulous custom pamphlets (So She Moved In With Someone Else… Ouch!) are the first reveal to a scene which lets us know that Finn has found out about Brody moving in with Rachel. Emma gently consoles Finn as they discuss Finn’s new discovery – he’s clearly shell-shocked, especially due to finding out via Rachel’s Facebook relationship status. Classy. Finn elaborates, telling Emma that he hasn’t been interested in any other women since his breakup with Rachel. Emma suggests that it may be time to move on, suggesting he take a look at the new math sub, and it’s quite intriguing because, while it seems that they are settling into being friends, it also seems like Emma considers Finn to be more of an equal adult than Finn does – Finn, who still calls her “Miss Pillsbury” and Will “Mr. Schue,” despite being asked to call him Will.
Finn’s actions and attitude have changed so much unconsciously, but he still cannot seem to make the concious acknowledgement that he is an adult and a teacher in the place where he was once a child and a student. He comments that the woman Emma suggested he pursue is “like, 26,” and that he has nothing to offer a grown woman, that he is a “man-boy.” Emma brushes this aside and says that she knows what it feels like to think you’ll always be lonely – and that he will be, until he gets back in the game. Finn thanks her, saying he’s the only person around who can cheer him up these days, and Emma asks for a little repayment – help picking out floral centrepieces for the wedding, seeing Will is off in Washington not giving a damn. Finn, in his simplistic but thoughtful way, helps Emma pick the flowers giving reasons she completely agrees with, and she delightedly marks the task off her giant poster-board of wedding chores.
Santana makes Sam meet her in the auditorium to argue about who owns Brittany. I hate the Sam/Brittany relationship but I kind of hate this argument even more because I adore both of these characters, and their mutual obsession with a girl who’s not worth either of them really stresses me out. Sam’s quite rational about the whole thing, I guess, though they are both assumptive and possessive about Brittany to the point of being offensive. Santana seems to think that Brittany dating Sam is for revenge on Santana for breaking up with her, because Sam is the one person who would make Santana crazy. Why, exactly? Why is Sam such an alleged enemy? Whatever, I hate this, love really does turn people into idiots because both Sam and Santana are a million times too awesome to be bothering with this and I hate that they’re both reduced to being horrible people because of her. They then go on to sing a song challenging one another, “Make No Mistake (She’s Mine),” a lovely ballad about who owns Brittany and gets to control her life. Brittany overhears the end of the song and watches the two fight over who should get to keep her.
Santana’s appearance at McKinley has left someone else feeling pretty unimpressed – Tina. Her voiceover as she wanders, annoyed, through the school halls, complains about how she was upstaged once again – after Grease – by Santana, who doesn’t even go to the school anymore. She gets distracted from her rant when she spots Blaine, swoons over him, and then chides herself for it, saying Mike would totally laugh at her. She then says that she should call Mike. Yes! Yes, Tina! Call Mike, that amazing human, whom you were very, very close to getting back together with and then didn’t, for no reason given so far aside from needing you to be single so this insane plot can happen!
But no, apparently divas don’t call their ex-boyfriends, divas go after what they want, even if what they want is a possibly genderqueer gay male. Said gay male has gotten sicker – “my whole head feels like it’s a shrink-wrapped fist of ham,” so Tina supplies him with some vapour rub for his chest. Blaine thanks her and calls her sweet, which Tina doesn’t like, complaining that no one will look at her and see a diva. Blaine assures her that that’s not true and that there are lots of Asian divas – Lucy Liu, Bai Ling, and B.D. Wong. This is slightly weird, as I had assumed Tina’s statement was more to do with her individual personality than her race in general, but there is no denying that B.D. Wong is a total badass, so, you know. Blaine invites Tina over to his house to help her find the perfect song to channel her inner diva, and Tina coos at him. She needs to stop with the terms of endearment. Now. “Blaineydays” sounds like something out of bad Mary-Sue fanfiction, which I suppose this kind of is, let’s be honest, but I just need her to stop.
At Blaine’s place, Tina gazes wistfully at his framed bedside photographs – Kurt, Kurt, more Kurt – as he enters the room with some drinks on a tray. “Have you ever been with a girl?” she asks him, somewhat out of nowhere, and he looks taken aback but remains polite, saying he hasn’t and referring to himself as a “perfect gold-star gay.” He elaborates, saying that he adores girls – their kindness, sensitivity and beautiful bodies – but that loving them “that way” is just not who he is. Reasonable, fair, yes? Not if you’re Tina, who dismisses this with a crafty and suggestive “we’re young, we still have time to find ourselves.” Blaine is either oblivious or purposely ignores this, turning the point around to Tina finding her inner diva and showing her the playlist of song options he has created. Tina is uncertain about her ability to pull off some of his choices, and as he begins to reassure her and explain costumes he yawns, apologising for the effects of the very strong cold medication he’s still taking. Tina suggests he lies down, in a way that sounds like a prostitute inviting a client to get comfortable.
As he lies back into his pillows, she sits up and stares into the centre of the room, somewhat bravely, I suppose, beginning to reveal her feelings for him, since divas are meant to be brutally honest. She tells him that she’s falling in love with him, and while it could be a “tragic, one-way thing,” she’d find it super awesome if he’d like to date her, even in a sexless relationship – which many Asian girls and gay men do, apparently, er, okay. Tina implores Blaine to respond in some way before she is totally humiliated, and turns around to find Blaine asleep. Thank God. I am grateful, for his sake, that he did not have to hear that, however, things go from awkward to plain shady when Tina, seeing Blaine passed out, uses the opportunity to unbutton his shirt, straddle him in a very sexual manner, and sensually start rubbing the vapour rub into his chest.
Unlike Blaine’s “sucking-up-crush-to-help-my-friend” sweet behaviour towards Sam, this feels very creepily like she is taking any chance she can get to touch Blaine, and call me old-fashioned, but if you’re interested in someone and you know they’re not interested in you, undressing them and touching them while they’re asleep comes within the boundaries of straight-up non-consensual. If you disagree, I invite you to picture this scenario with any other mix of genders – imagine Blaine doing this to another guy, or a male doing this to a passed-out, unaware female. You’d never call it anything other than predatory and inappropriate, so if that squicks you, then so should this. It’s definitely one of the most uncomfortable moments in the show’s history and I seriously hope this ends up being addressed in some way and that we’re not meant to be seeing this as sweet and sad. Once Tina is done fondling the unconscious Blaine, she curls up beside him, sorrowful, and this would have been sweet and sad, if she’d just said her words, found him asleep, and gone to sleep beside him; but no, she had to go with the creepy touching first. Awesome.
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