We are all beautiful, original, Picasso-drawn butterflies, but when you tell me who your favorite television character is, I throw this fact out the window and instead make assumptions. I will judge you based on your answer, and my first impression may or may not be incredibly accurate.

So take this list with a grain of salt, as all it can really reveal is that I am a terrible, judgmental person. But here’s what your favorite Downton Abbey character tells me about you:

Lord Grantham: You embrace the patriarchy and might be bad with money.

Lady Grantham: You trust too many people and your housekeeper is probably trying to kill you.

Lady Mary: You are either a beautiful gay man, or his gorgeous hag.

Lady Edith: You are your parents’ least favorite child.

Lady Sybil: You insist vanilla is a real ice cream flavor and believe dogs are people too.

Matthew Crawley: You sing really loudly when alone in your car. Be careful.

Tom Branson: You are either Catholic, or a teen girl. You are probably a Catholic teen girl.

Isobel Crawley: Your perfume smells like self-righteous justice and too many cats.

Lady Rose: You skipped seasons 1-3 and don’t know who Sybil is.

The Dowager Countess: You are a Downton poser. You saw half an episode on PBS once and now are just trying to sound British and fancy.

Mr. Carson: You meticulously schedule out bathroom breaks when on vacation at Disneyland because you’ve convinced yourself that you will optimize the amount of time left for “fun.”

Mrs. Hughes: People trust you with their HBO Go password.

Mrs. Patmore: You cheer with inappropriate vigor at children’s soccer games.

Daisy: You’re fun at parties, even when nobody knows you’re there.

Thomas Barrow: You tend to deflect your own self-hatred through humor.

Mrs. O’Brien: You think it’s fine to admit that some babies ugly.

Anna: You loyally see things through til the bitter end, even when you detest all of the idiots that surround you.

Mr. Bates: You are someone’s slutty British grandma.

Of course, I love each and every one of these characters and am am proud to say that I am any and/or all of the above.

Get excited, Americans! The season 5 U.S. premiere of Downton Abbey begins tonight, Sunday January 4th at 9pm on PBS.

Who’s your favorite ‘Downton Abbey’ character?

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September 22, 2017
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