10:00 am EDT, March 14, 2019

5 crack ‘Detective Pikachu’ plot theories that absolutely will not happen

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The Detective Pikachu plot will be fairly tame, given that the movie has a PG rating — but that won’t stop me from developing crack theories about the film’s plot.

When it was revealed that Ryan Reynolds was voicing the titular yellow mouse Pokémon, we all thought the same thing: “they’re going to have Deadpool voice Pikachu?! Detective Pikachu is going to be a lot raunchier than I expected!”

Alas, the news of the film’s rating proves that theory wrong, as likely the only swear word that we’ll hear is the one spoken by Pikachu in the fighting ring (“Get me the Hell out of here!”). Still, there are a lot of opportunities to make Detective Pikachu a film that not only surprises and delights, but also pushes the boundary of what a PG film can get away with.

And thus, I present to you 5 crack Detective Pikachu plot theories that will absolutely never ever happen (but if they do, I totally called it).

1. Pikachu says f*ck

Yes, I know we just got done saying that the film is PG. Even at that, there has been a wave of people demanding for Pikachu to say “f*ck” in the film.

It even has its own hashtag. How quaint! We could get away with something like what they did in Incredibles 2, though.

PG-13 movies allow one usage of “f*ck” now, so what’s stopping us from letting one slip out of Pikachu’s mouth in the live-action Pokémon movie?

2. Mr. Mime is a hitman

Mr. Mime is very sketchy in all of the Detective Pikachu trailers. He knows something about the disappearance of Tim’s dad, but as he is a mime, isn’t able to speak, and refuses to mime out what Tim wants to know.

detective pikachu mr mime

So what’s stopping us from taking this an extra step up and making Mr. Mime a ruthless murderer, let alone the one that called the hit on Tim’s dad? If you take a closer look at the Detective Pikachu movie poster, we can see that Mr. Mime is doing a show in Rhyme City. What better profession to moonlight as than a comedian? You’d almost never know…

3. Tim’s friend is actually Misty from the anime

She’s the female lead, and carries around a Psyduck. Neeeext.

4. Pikachu dies at the end

Rest in peace, Detective Pikachu. We already see Tim carrying Pikachu in the Bulbasaur and Morelull river. What if these are Pikachu’s final moments?

detective pikachu dead

Pikachu doesn’t seem all that interested in fighting (see above “Get me the Hell out of here!”), so who’s to say that he doesn’t suffer some grievous injuries from that Charizard in the fighting ring? Things aren’t looking up for you, Pikachu.

5. It was all a dream

Okay, this one I actually don’t want to happen. This could get really meta really quickly, so I’ll try to keep this concise.

There have been fan theories for years now that propose that the entire Pokémon series was dreamt up by Ash Ketchum. If I had to specifically call out what my personal Hell would be, it wouldn’t be far from being stuck in the world created by the nonaging idiotic protagonist of the anime.

This theory could apply to Tim’s perspective, and it would make me just as upset. We’re investing a lot into this series, Nintendo. Do us a solid and stay far away from anything resembling this crack Detective Pikachu plot.

What are your crack ‘Detective Pikachu’ plot requests?

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