12:00 pm EST, November 23, 2018

‘Castlevania’ is a Gothic Thirst Trap and female power ballad all in one

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t really interested in the new Castlevania series on Netflix when it was released and I sort of forgot about it. But last week, I not only watched it but tore through it. Why? Because I’m a total sucker (no pun intended) for sexy male voices and female characters who take no shit from anyone.

How did I end up watching Castlevania, you may ask? Well, Dracula made me do it.

More specifically, the Netflix Castlevania Twitter account made me do it after I’d put out the word that I was looking for a new show to binge watch and I admit I hadn’t watched the show when asked.

Dracula was not amused.

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Lucky for me, I took the hint and report back that Castlevania is much more than a video game adaptation — it’s a damn Gothic Thirst Trap*! I mean, visually that’s a given, but the real joy of watching this show is listening to it because the voice cast is so deliciously good.

After all, how can you go wrong with a cast that includes a misanthropic Richard Armitage (Trevor Belmont), broody James Callis (Alucard), the throaty growl of Graham McTavish, and the sexually tormented Theo James? Personally, I lost it when Peter Stormare popped up, but I’ve been in love with him ever since Constantine. It’s a personal fetish. You’ll forgive me.

That’s not to say that Castlevania isn’t visually stunning. It is. The art is incredible. I’m just willing to admit that I’m not an expert on such things, so I can’t get into detail on the reasons why it’s so amazing to look at. Lucky for me, Kotaku’s Luke Plunkett is much better at these sorts of things, so I’ll link to his article and share one or two examples of the artwork throughout this article.

See what I mean? Gorgeous.

Also gorgeous? The female characters in Castlevania. And I don’t just mean in a visual sense. Although let’s face it, they’re definitely easy on the eyes. I mean, look at Sypha?

castlevania season 2 release date

(Okay, Hector’s in this picture with Carmilla, but I can’t help it. He’s soooo pretty. Plus, if you watch the show, you know this is hotter than it should be. Don’t judge me!).

But the best thing about both of these women? They basically run the joint. Especially Carmilla, who is playing a game far beyond everyone else in the series.

Even the official Castlevania Netflix account knows it.

I’m fairly sure I’d die for Carmilla at this point, which might be a little odd since her goal is to enslave humanity and basically keep them as chew toys and juice boxes, but it’s hard to deny both her brilliance and skill. Even if I was skeptical at first, Carmilla’s tactics not only work, but they pay off in a way I never expected.

Let me put it this way, if Carmilla’s not the Big Bad in season 3, I’ll eat my hat.

But Carmilla’s not the only woman in Castlevania who exceeds expectation. Nor is she the first. That honor goes to Lisa Tepes, Dracula’s human wife and the catalyst for the events of the series. Lisa Tepes is a doctor in a time when the Church thought leeches still worked, if you get my drift. She’s a scientist, a healer, and a smart woman. In other words, she’s not long for this patriarchal and very religious time period.

Then, of course, there’s Sypha Belnades who’s, let’s face it, the total package.

Sypha’s both book smart and street smart. She’s compassionate and caring, but she’s also capable AF. As the female counterpart to two moody, broody, “I vant to be alone” loners, Sypha’s a damn ray of sunshine and a boot to the ass to both Alucard and Trevor.

It takes skill to write a female character who can switch between a heartfelt conversation about the deeper nature of family and a “Come at me” challenge to a demon. Or be the only woman more interesting than Trevor Belmont supposes himself to be (that’s one hell of a high bar).

If I’m being honest, season 3 of Castlevania could be nothing but a buddy flick between Carmilla and Sypha, and I’d be there with bells on.

Luckily, I’m thinking it will far surpass that simple pleasure. If seasons 1 and 2 are any indication, season 3 of Castlevania will bring together the beauty, brilliance, ferocity, sensuality, and cascades of blood that make the series so deliciously desirable.

Until then, there are 12 episodes of Castlevania just waiting for you to devour them on Netflix as we speak.

So why are you still here?

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go put the series on in the background and drown in the vocal debauchery I’ve come to adore.

What do you think of Netflix’s ‘Castlevania’?

*Credit to Donna Dickens, Carmilla to my Sypha.

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