9:01 pm EST, September 27, 2015

‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ season 3 premiere recap: One killer makeout

Brooklyn Nine-Nine starts off its third season with quite the bang. Check out all the highlights from Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 3, episode 1, “New Captain.”

Starting right at the elevator

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 3 episode 1 premiere New Captain Captain Seth Dozerman Bill Hader crop

The last season ended with the opening of an elevator door, but we didn’t know who the new Captain was standing inside it. Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 3 opened with Captain Seth Dozerman, played by Bill Hader, marching out and spitting out orders, ending his rant by falling to the floor with a heart attack.

Peralta and Santiago

So, that kiss that happened three or so months ago for us? Yeah, it was about three hours ago for them. Peralta and Santiago mutually agree to keep things light and breezy with a few rules to keep things in order. This is Santiago after all. Rules include: No labels, no telling anyone, oh, and no sex right away. While Peralta agrees, you can totally tell this last rule has him a little flustered.

They go out on a date and it ends up awkward, leaving no one at all surprised. They decide to do a few shots to liven things up, and next thing we know, they’re naked in bed, having just broken rule number three. Jake makes his usual “title of your sex tape” joke to Amy, and then it dawns on them that it would be the title of their sex tape now. Cue his patented shocked face.

Captain Dozerman

Jake and the new captain were getting along swimmingly, until he caught Jake and Amy making out in the evidence locker. He was literally startled to death by them, and had a heart attack and died. Yup, no more Captain Dozerman. They even carted him off in a body bag. Bye bye, Bill Hader!

Captain Holt’s new assignment

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 3 premiere New Captain Andre Braugher Captain Raymond Holt crop

Wuntch handed Captain Holt a PR team which has taken a few months just trying to name the new pigeon mascot. Yeah, we’re concerned, but since Wuntch seemed a little too happy about it, we’re sure the Captain can shape these guys up, and be back in the Nine-Nine in no time. She goes on to further attempt to ruin his life by making him don the bird suit to talk to kids. Holt gets a little run down about it, but thanks to a perfect pep talk from Gina, he embraces the crazy and marches off to inspire some kids.


Following the death of Captain Dozerman and the breaking of all three of their rules (or four if you include the no making out at work rule that Santiago invented just to break it), Santiago thinks it would be best for them to break it off for now. Light and breezy just wasn’t working and it will obviously be best for them to get back to being friends.

The New New Captain

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 3 episode 1 premiere New Captain Jake Peralta Terry Jeffords Andy Samberg Terry Crews crop

The episode ends with a new captain entering the briefing room and it is none other than… the VULTURE! That’s right folks, Detective Pembroke, AKA The Vulture, is the new captain of the Nine-Nine. This does not bode well at all.

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