4:00 pm EDT, August 1, 2016

40 ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child’ quotes to make you laugh and cry

Pigeons though. Who needs them?

Despite not being written by J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child still has plenty of funny and heart-warming quotes that feel true to the Harry Potter series.

Although many believe Cursed Child suffers from a bad plot, and can only be enjoyed live, there are still many magical moments sprinkled throughout the pages of the playbook. What’s more, there are some truly memorable quotes that harken back to the original Harry Potter books, for their wit and heart.

Here are the 40 best Harry Potter and the Cursed Child quotes:

  1. ALBUS: How to distract Scorpius from difficult emotional issues. Take him to a library.
    – Act One, Scene 19
  2. RON: So you’re telling me that the whole of history rests on… Neville Longbottom? This is wild.
    – Act Three, Scene Seven
  3. HERMIONE: My parents were dentists, I was bound to rebel at some point.
    – Act One, Scene Five
  4. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-hermione

  5. HARRY: I’ve never asked how you felt about me naming him after you, have I?
    DUMBLEDORE: Candidly, Harry, it seemed a great weight to place upon the poor boy.
    – Act Two, Scene Eight
  6. ALBUS: Everyone’s staring at us again.
    RON: Because of me! I’m extremely famous. My nose tricks are legendary!
    – Act One, Scene Two
  7. DRACO: Hermione Granger, I’m being bossed around by Hermione Granger. And I’m mildly enjoying it.
    – Act Four, Scene 11
  8. SCORPIUS: I, uh, I opened a book. Something which has — in all my years on this planet — never been a particularly dangerous activity.
    – Act One, Scene 19
  9. RON: I have no idea where [Rose] gets her ambition from.
    – Act One, Scene Two
  10. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-ron-rose

  11. ABLUS: So we need to choose now who to be friends with for life?
    – Act One, Scene Three
  12. HAGRID: I’m Rubeus Hagrid. And I’m gonna be yer friend whether yeh like it or not.
    – Act Four, Scene 13
  13. And suddenly the “greatest showman on earth” (his words not ours) is onstage, using Sonour to amplify his voice, and… well… he’s having a ball.
    – Act Two, Scene Seven
  14. DRACO: Sorry about your floor, Minerva.
    PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: I dare say it’s my fault for owning a chimney.
    – Act Two, Scene Three
  15. ROSE: The rumor is that [Scorpius] is Voldemort’s son, Albus.
    It’s probably rubbish. I mean… look, you’ve got a nose.
    – Act One, Scene Three
  16. SCORPIUS: My geekness is a-quivering.
    – Act Four, Scene Three
  17. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-scorpius

  18. HARRY: If you answer the gossip, you feed the gossip.
    – Act One, Scene Four
  19. PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Well, if I didn’t see you, I didn’t see you.
    – Act Two, Scene 16
  20. HERMIONE: Close your mouth when looking at me, Weasley.
    – Act Three, Scene Seven
  21. DUMBLEDORE: We cannot protect the young from harm. Pain must and will come.
    – Act Two, Scene Eight
  22. SCORPIUS: No, I meant it as a nice thing, you smell like a mixture of fresh flowers and fresh– bread.
    – Act One, Scene 10
  23. RON: Nothing scares me. Apart from mum.
    – Act One, Scene 15
  24. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-ron

  25. DRACO: Keep up, old man.
    HARRY: We’re the same age, Draco.
    DRACO: I wear it better.
    – Act Two, Scene 13
  26. ALBUS: What are you doing here?
    HERMIONE: Teaching. For my sins. What are you doing here? Learning, I hope.
    – Act Two, Scene 11
  27. HARRY: I don’t like small spaces and– I’ve never told anyone this, but I don’t much like– pigeons.
    – Act Four, Scene 15
  28. SNAPE: I’m dead, presumably. You were a little too surprised to see me. How?
    SCORPIUS: Bravely.
    SNAPE: Who?
    SCORPIUS: Voldemort.
    SNAPE: How very irritating.
    – Act Three, Scene Seven
  29. DRACO: We can hug too if you like…
    – Act Four, Scene Eight
  30. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-draco-hugs

  31. HARRY: Yes. Albus, she’s a murderer, and we’re not.
    HERMIONE: We have to be better than them.
    RON: Yeah, it’s annoying but it’s what we learnt.
    – Act Four, Scene 11
  32. DELPHI: That’s the thing, isn’t it? About friendships. You don’t know what he needs. You only know he needs it.
    – Act Two, Scene 14
  33. HERMIONE: If this is your way of saying you want a marital break, Ron, then, to be clear, I will skewer you with this quill.
    – Act Three, Scene 17
  34. RON: I, um, I think you’ve got really nice hair. Draco.
    – Act Four, Scene Seven
  35. PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: …bravery doesn’t forgive stupidity.
    – Act Three, Scene 10
  36. ALBUS: I’m not sure being fearless is going to be good for your health.
    – Act Three, Scene 14
  37. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-albus

  38. HARRY [quoting Dumbledore]: “The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”
    – Act One, Scene Nine
  39. RON: The truth is– I love you, Hermione Granger, and whatever time says– I’d like the opportunity to say so in front of lots of other people. Again. Sober.
    – Act Three, Scene 17
  40. SCORPIUS: No, it’s time that time-turning became a thing of the past.
    ALBUS: You’re quite proud of that phrase, aren’t you?
    SCORPIUS: Been working on it all day.
    – Act Three, Scene 14
  41. HARRY: They were great men, with huge flaws, and you know what– those flaws almost made them greater.
    – Act Four, Scene 15
  42. RON: I am probably the most chilled out of all of us and… so maybe transfiguring into him– into the Dark Lord– will do less damage to me than– any of you more– intense people.
    – Act Four, Scene 10
  43. GINNY: People think they know all there is to know about you, but the best bits of you are– have always been– heroic in really quiet ways.
    – Act Four, Scene Nine
  44. harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-quotes-ginny

  45. DUMBLEDORE: Perfection is beyond the reach of humankind, beyond the reach of magic.
    – Act Four, Scene Four
  46. RON: Rubbish. Beautifully put but beautiful rubbish.
    – Act Four, Scene 10
  47. SCORPIUS: The world changes and we change with it.
    – Act Three, Scene Nine

What’s your favorite ‘Cursed Child’ quote?

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