It’s October 21, 2015, and boy am I glad the world is exactly like in Back to the Future, Part II.
Greetings, friends from the past. Doc Brown and Marty McFly, we welcome you and your beautiful DeLorean to our humble piece of the space-time continuum. You’ve traveled all the way from 1989, and 26 years later, the world looks very different from how you remember it.
You see, in Back to the Future, Part II, Robert Zemeckis predicted the future. And as a representative of 2015, I’m happy to report that he was 100% accurate. As you are currently finding out, the future is a rad and colorful place. Let’s run down our new reality:
1. Robots walk our dogs
This might seem very lazy to simple ’80s kids, but it’s 2015! Who has time to walk their dog?! We’ve got too much futuring to do.
2. We have air traffic control
Image credit: B to the F
Since flying is pretty common these days, we needed to expand our traffic control. No piece of the Earth — whether it’s land, water or air — must be left ungoverned! Luckily, we’ve got these handy robots to do those jobs, too. In fact… we may have a serious unemployment problem.
3. The weather runs on a schedule
Honestly, why you guys couldn’t figure out how to control the weather in the ’80s is laughable. It’s so easy to flick a switch and transform pouring rain into instant sunlight.
4. Our fashion is rad and groovy
You might think these clothes look more at home on a Fresh Prince of Bel Air-era Will Smith, or in that underrated but brilliant New Zealand sci-fi show The Tribe, but you’d be wrong, my friends. All the cool kids are dressed just like you were, in pastels and mismatched prints… only shinier. ‘Cause, the future! Also, tin hats are actually a thing now.
5. We’re obsessed with sequels and remakes!
We’ve got Jaws 19, sure, but there’s also a Star Wars VII and a fourth Jurassic Park out this year! Plus Ghostbusters is coming back, and there’s a new Sister Act movie in development. Yeah, we know, it’s kind of embarrassing.
6. We’re also obsessed with the ’80s
Not only are we remaking all your movies and displaying your arcade games like ancient relics, but we also fetishize such novelties as a dustbuster and a clothes iron because we have no need for such things in our time. Robots do it for us.
7. Elijah Wood spent a little too long at the Rejuvenation Clinic
Image credit: E! Online
Sigh. Doc Brown knew to stop when he’d smoothed out a few wrinkles, but not poor Elijah Wood, who went to the Rejuvenation Clinic and is now Hill Valley’s very own Benjamin Button. Just leave him in the ’80s café, it makes him feel better.
7. This guy.
“I just wanna say one thing: God bless America.”
8. We have hoverboards and flying cars, whatever
Basically, we just did the opposite of inventing the wheel. Fear us, Martians!
9. But don’t worry about the strain on Earth’s resources because we’ll just burn our trash
Sure, hoverboards and flying cars are basically just normal skateboards and cars that hover, but don’t worry about the extra energy drain. We use food waste as fuel now, which is super convenient, and that’s why there’s no such thing as Global Warming in 2015.
10. Fax machines and newspapers are still a thing, because how else would we share information in 2015?
Considering the fact that we’ve not only invented holograms, dog-walking robots and voice-controlled clothes, but also made these things totally normal fixtures in our daily lives, we sure do love our paper in 2015. After all, it’s not like there’s any easier way to communicate, like, say, a tiny computer you can carry in your pocket. That would be madness.
Happy ‘Back to the Future, Part II’ day!
All that’s left to say now is: Welcome to 2015, we hope you enjoy your stay. Grab a shiny cap, try our freeze-dried pizza and make sure you ask for Pepsi, not Coke! The robot overlords demand it.