10:30 am EDT, April 28, 2018

‘Infinity War’s’ ending meant nothing, and I’m still rolling my eyes

Things sure were fucked at the end of Avengers: Infinity War. Too bad it all meant nothing.

The end of Infinity War finds Thanos obtaining the sixth and final Infinity Stone, the one attached to Vision’s head, giving him the power to wipe out half the population. As I watched super hero after super hero disintegrate into thin air, I sat there rolling my eyes. I couldn’t believe Marvel was wasting our time with this shit.

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This isn’t a big deal. All of these characters are coming back to life.

Black Panther GONE!? Spider-Man GONE?! How easy does Marvel think we are? These characters are not in any sort of “real” danger — there is too much money on the line to not give them additional movies. Black Panther just came out and rattled Hollywood. And now they’re taking him away oh my God???

No.

Making them temporarily disappear is not a cliffhanger. This is the same problem I had with Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Things are so fucked by the end of Part 1 (Harry Potter himself being killed during Goblet of Fire in the alternate timeline, for example) that you know all the damage is going to be undone in Part 2. You walk out of Part 1 feeling excited but unfulfilled.

And that’s exactly why Infinity War is such a buzz kill for me. By the end of Part 2, which is set to be released next summer, most (if not all) of those disintegrated super heroes are going to be brought back to life. Black Panther 2, Spider-Man 2: Sophomore Dance, and Doctor Strange 2: More White Washing will all hit theaters in the years ahead. The end of Infinity War will have been a waste of everyone’s time. We’ll have had to pay for two movies only because Marvel knew we could be sucked into it.

What’s also messed up is that the general moviegoing population doesn’t know that a another Avengers movie is only a year away. Marvel and Disney are keeping it quiet so as to not draw attention away from Infinity War. We don’t have a title for the movie, and there was no “To Be Continued” at the end of Part 1. For an average moviegoer — including my brother, who had no idea a Part 2 is a year away — Part 1 was the endgame. “Aren’t y’all surprised?? We killed half of them!!” Marvel is yelling this weekend. “You likey???”

The end of Infinity War saw Thanos manipulate time to un-kill Vision so he could get the final Infinity Stone. It’s not crazy to assume that time will be manipulated again so these characters are brought back to life, or brought out of wherever they were just transported to. (Which makes one wonder: Why didn’t Delphi manipulate time to un-disintegrate Voldemort?)

Despite the awful “cliffhanger,” the movie was entertaining. I enjoyed watching many of the heroes meet each other and work together for the first time. Seeing Thanos do something besides sit in a chair was also a nice change of pace.

But after ten years of no major deaths, after Thanos demanded our silence, after we were led to believe big things were going to happen in this movie, we deserved more than maybe losing Gamora, Loki, and Vision.

Call me sadistic, but I wanted more heroes to die. This is why I showed up on opening day. This is why the film is breaking box office records left and right. We were sold a bill of goods that we didn’t receive. That Iron Man fake out?! Come on. Grow some balls and let him die — it’s a war.

At this rate, I expect we’ll lose no more than two characters in the still-untitled sequel to Infinity War. We’ll lose Captain America (Chris Evans has said as much!) and probably Iron Man, ’cause that dude has been here since the beginning and he isn’t aging all too well.

I like movies with stakes for their characters — See Rogue One, which killed literally everyone. When it comes to their arsenal of heroes, Marvel has been playing it safe for way too long. Why is anything risky for them when they always make it through?

Infinity War was their chance to finally surprise us, and instead all they did was squeeze an extra $10 out of us. There’s another character who died: My dignity.

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