Editor’s note: This is Hypable’s second review of Iron Man 3. Our first was published April 28th.

Iron Man 3 is not the movie you’re expecting and while that may seem like good news at first, it will quickly turn sour as you realize the true film you’re watching is something very, very different. Not different in terms of breaking the system and making a movie with guts and actual thrills, although in this case that would be a welcome proposition. No, this is the kind of different where the recipe for entertainment has been handled by so many cooks in the same kitchen that it’s hard to tell what you’re tasting in the first place.

Iron Man 3 feels like an assembly line movie from the very beginning and that may be where the film’s problems truly lie. The first two Iron Man movies (especially the first) were made with less corporate meddling and more energy which obviously resulted in a more balanced product. Here, all the fun that used to exist in a movie franchise about a guy fighting villains in a flying metal suit is gone.

The film starts with an awkward flashback to 1999 that’s meant to set up a convoluted storyline but all it does is meander and waste time. Next thing you know, our hero Tony Stark (played with a vacant glaze by Robert Downey Jr.), who up until this point we’ve come to know as a smart and witty pioneer, is doing pratfalls and slapstick humor. This movie has also been marketed to kids so that could have something to do with Iron Man suddenly turning into Iron Doofus.

The pretzel of a plot involves high tech machinery and a plan for world domination which seems odd because most movie villains stopped aspiring for world domination around the mid-90’s. They finally wised up and realized they wanted what everyone in life and the movies truly wants, money. Lots of it. Add to that a confusing detective story that involves severed limbs and robotic terminators and you have a real head-scratcher.

So in other words boys and girls, yes. There is a plot at work in Iron Man 3. It just doesn’t make any sense. I know, I was shocked too.

But all is not lost when it comes to Iron Man 3. There are moments of brilliance even if they are few and far between. Credit for these bits of salvation go to co-writer and director Shane Black and actor Ben Kingsley who steals the movie as the villainous Mandarin. Black in particular knows how to write great dialogue and last worked with Downey Jr. on the severely underappreciated action-comedy, “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.” If I convince one of you reading this to watch “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” instead of buying a ticket to Iron Man 3, tonight’s endeavor of writing this long-winded takedown at 2am will be worth it.

If you think I’m being silly and insist on seeing Iron Man 3 anyway I will say this, you could definitely do worse. This movie is full of product placement and short on actual entertainment but it does have the aforementioned bright spots courtesy of Black and Kingsley . Somewhere buried beneath the endless ads for energy drinks and software companies there might have once been a better version of Iron Man 3 but not anymore. All we have left are muddled story elements and commercials for things you don’t need. You could watch commercials at home. For free.

Speaking of money, as of this writing Iron Man 3 has already made $200 million dollars at the international box office. Your ten dollars is better spent elsewhere. And if you live in a city unfortunate enough to have movie ticket prices skyrocket to north of twenty dollars, then for the love of Robert Downey Jr. please spend that money somewhere else. Like on a copy of “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.”

Grade: C-

Rated: PG-13 (for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence throughout, and brief suggestive content)

Iron Man 3 opens in theaters on May 3, 2013.

Your wish is Marvel’s command. Fans have wanted to see a live-action Squirrel Girl adaptation, and it looks like it might actually happen thanks to New Warriors.

If you don’t know who Squirrel Girl is, do yourself a favor and look her up. Her name is Doreen Green and, shockingly, she can talk to squirrels. (Who would’ve guessed?) But it doesn’t stop there! She’s also got super strength and speed.

Fans have been fantasy casting the role for a while, but when Anna Kendrick said she wanted to play the character, the internet went wild.

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Your wish is Marvel’s command. Fans have wanted to see a live-action Squirrel Girl adaptation, and it looks like it might actually happen thanks to New Warriors.

If you don’t know who Squirrel Girl is, do yourself a favor and look her up. Her name is Doreen Green and, shockingly, she can talk to squirrels. (Who would’ve guessed?) But it doesn’t stop there! She’s also got super strength and speed.

Fans have been fantasy casting the role for a while, but when Anna Kendrick said she wanted to play the character, the internet went wild.

Shannon Purser has also declared her interest in the role. You’ll know her as Barb from Stranger Things, but she’s also just been added to Riverdale.

Before we can start casting, however, we need a show, and according to TV Line, that show is New Warriors.

Marvel and ABC Studios are currently shopping the project around, which would be a half-hour comedy based on the character. One of the tell-tale signs of a Squirrel Girl story line is its lighthearted and humorous nature, so this sounds like a perfect fit.

TV Line reports that the show is being described as “the junior version of The Avengers,” and that “the New Warriors are a superhero squad made up of teenagers.”

Marvel has, of course, brought plenty of its characters to the small screen and to great success. There’s even a chance that this project could be tied to some of the Netflix properties, as Doreen acts as a nanny to Luke Cage and Jessica Jones’ daughter, Danielle, in the comic books.

Just think about that crossover potential.

Are you looking forward to this ‘New Warriors’ show if it stars Squirrel Girl?

Shannon Purser plays fan-favorite character Barb on Stranger Things and now she’s joining a new project on The CW.

A lot of people instantly fell in love with Barb the moment she graced our screens in the Netflix hit series Stranger Things, and who can blame them? She was cool, confident, and not at all worried about what the popular kids thought of her.

Then the Demogorgon arrived. But that’s a tale for another day.

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Shannon Purser plays fan-favorite character Barb on Stranger Things and now she’s joining a new project on The CW.

A lot of people instantly fell in love with Barb the moment she graced our screens in the Netflix hit series Stranger Things, and who can blame them? She was cool, confident, and not at all worried about what the popular kids thought of her.

Then the Demogorgon arrived. But that’s a tale for another day.

EW is now reporting that Purser has joined Riverdale, the television show based on the Archie comics.

Purser will be portraying Ethel Muggs for at least three episodes.

Don’t expect her to follow in the footsteps of her comic book equivalent, however. Ethel may have a crush on Jughead in the source material, but EW is reporting that she’ll have her heart set on someone else.

Ethel will also be teaming up with Veronica and Betty as they set out to get revenge on Reggie Mantle, Archie’s nemesis.

In July, we brought you our thoughts on the Riverdale pilot after we saw it at San Diego Comic-Con. It’ll be premiering midseason next winter on the CW and provides a darker spin on the original Archie characters as they become wrapped up in a murder mystery.

Though the pilot has already been shot, the remaining 12 episodes have yet to be filmed. Production on the rest of the season will begin in early September, and the show is expected to premiere in early 2017, barring any complications.

Are you looking forward to seeing Shannon Purser on ‘Riverdale’?

The Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Nick Jonas, Dwayne The Rock Johnson-led Jumanji sequel/reboot/whatever has completed its family with the addition of Karen Gilan.

In a Facebook post on Monday, The Rock announced that the Doctor Who alum will be joining Jumanji 2 and rounding out the cast. The Rock bills her character as having “the most important role in our movie.”

“We had to find a girl,” The Rock wrote of casting Gillan in Jumanji 2, “but not just any girl.” He continued:

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The Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Nick Jonas, Dwayne The Rock Johnson-led Jumanji sequel/reboot/whatever has completed its family with the addition of Karen Gilan.

In a Facebook post on Monday, The Rock announced that the Doctor Who alum will be joining Jumanji 2 and rounding out the cast. The Rock bills her character as having “the most important role in our movie.”

“We had to find a girl,” The Rock wrote of casting Gillan in Jumanji 2, “but not just any girl.” He continued:

A girl who has “Chutzpah”. Guts and talent to stand her ground and hold her own against Nick’s cool rockstar ways, Jack’s relentless energy and genius, Kevin’s masterful timing and skills and the big, brown, bald tattooed guy who just simply stands there and oooooozes smoldering, captivating, sizzling, can’t take your eyes off this brilliant manly man… never mind I got drunk on the ol’ DJ kool aid again.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce a girl who’s playing the most important role in our movie – the talented, beautiful and down for a Scottish fight at any time, Ms. Karen Gillan.

And yes, this is the girl who is so bad ass she shaved her freaking head for Guardians of the Galaxy.

The Rock goes on to promise that “this isn’t a remake or a reboot, but a continuation of the awesome Jumanji story we love.”

Filming begins next month in Hawaii and is slated to hit theaters next year.

Gillan is best known for her role as Amy Pond in Doctor Who and, as The Rock notes, Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy.

original-jumanji-movie

The Jumanji “continuation” has been met with lots of skepticism since the original was led by the late Robin Williams. It just seems like an unnecessary, unoriginal idea.