Welcome to the milestone 20th season of Dancing with the Stars! It’s My Jam Monday!
Note: due to scheduling issues, there will only be DWTS recaps every other week for the first half of the season, before resuming weekly recaps in week six.
After a premiere last week that was rather forgettable, DWTS was back in fine form this week for its 10th anniversary. There was a somewhat slow start to the night, but around the 45-minute mark things dramatically improved. We saw some excellent dancing for week two, with deserved eights flying from the judges. And the couple eliminated at the end of the night, landing in last place is…
Redfoo and Emma! Redfoo showed marked improvement this week with a narrative about how driven he is… which is impossible to take seriously while he does not wear actual dance shoes. The judges inflated his scores to a 31, but that couldn’t save him. Tom tried to lecture us on voting to make sure deserving couples aren’t sent home. Um, Tom… we just did. This is Emma’s worst finish yet, and she’s had a few dud partners.
The other couple Not Necessarily in the Bottom Two was Suzanne and Tony. We’re glad they stuck around over Redfoo. Now, and we use the term “stars” loosely, let’s welcome our stars!
First Place, 34 points: Nastia and Derek. In week 1, Nastia and Derek threw everything but the kitchen sink into their foxtrot. This week, they scaled it back for a sexy rhumba, because Nastia’s jam is the romantic “Thinking Out Loud.” To set the mood, Derek took their rehearsal to the Hudson River waterfront in the sunset… which really is not as picturesque as it looked on TV. But it worked, getting them the first nines of the season. (This is the first time in four seasons there were no nines in the first week!) The rhumba was incredible; Nastia’s movement is magnificent. Bruno said her “flow was flawless,” while Tom and Erin kept up a steady stream of river jokes – “Next week, practice by the Mississippi!” Obviously, Nastia’s the one to beat.
Second Place (tie), 32 points: Rumer and Val. Rumer’s cha-cha was so sharp, it could cut through concrete. She seems like a ferocious perfectionist, and certainly has the drive to go far. She did not crumble under the pressure of topping the leaderboard last week. She was also smart enough to get the puns out of the way and dance to Adele’s “Rumour Has It.” Seriously, can we impose a ban on rumor-based puns from here on out? Alternatively, this is the start of a dangerous drinking game. Val has a spot-on impression of Bruce Willis’s deadpan face that we hope to see more of. Rumer is a fantastic dancer, like Val’s other partners; also like them, we fear she does not have the fanbase to back it up.
Second Place (tie), 32 points: Riker and Allison. Making Riker dapper enough for a foxtrot involved more hair gel than Tom Felton used in the first two Harry Potter movies. It was a good foxtrot, and Bruno is obsessed with how “hip” Riker is. Last week’s enthusiastically received jive had prompted Julianne to declare last season “whatever” for Allison and declare Riker the perfect fit for her. But I’m “whatever” about this couple too, because DWTS isn’t a perfect fit for Allison.
Second Place (tie), 32 points: Willow and Mark. The couple looked like Capitol citizens, but the theme turned out to be Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” instead of Hunger Games. While the song and iridescent costumes did not seem to fit with Argentine tango, there is no denying that Willow danced superbly. Mark surprised us with Sadie last season (who showed up this week to comfort Willow after a poor result last week), and we think he and Willow will surprise us again.
Third Place (tie), 28 points: Robert and Kym. Robert has an infectious energy that matches Kym’s perfectly; their Michael Buble-inspired foxtrot was so sweet it made Carrie Ann nauseated. But for the love of mirrorballs, please nip this showmance in the bud! He is 14 years older than Kym and we’re just not buying it.
Third Place (tie), 28 points: Michael and Peta. All we remember of Michael’s foxtrot is his butt sticking out. He and the rest of the cast seem awfully thin-skinned; he was offended by Len rightfully calling his week one footwork atrocious. Perhaps it’s because this season’s “stars” are not actually famous, and are not used to such a level of scrutiny? Discuss.
Third Place (tie), 28 points: Suzanne and Tony. Is everyone aware that Suzanne is 68? And that it doesn’t matter? Because DWTS would very much like you to know those two things; they were repeated ad nauseum in her segment. Don’t make this one a drinking game, it’ll lead to alcohol poisoning. That said, Suzanne’s dance was surprisingly good this week, and she is fun. Tony also looks like he’s having a blast this season. Suzanne might pull a Jane Seymour and actually go far if she keeps this up.
Third Place (tie), 28 points: Patti and Artem. Because Patti is the only actual star this season (her occupation is listed as “music legend”), she does not actually have to dance. She slowly steps a couple times, and everyone praises her to the heavens. Moving on.
Fourth Place, 27 points: Noah and Sharna. A Western-themed samba was executed surprisingly well by Noah. It’s surprising to find him near the bottom of the leaderboard, because the judges universally praised him… though to be fair, most of the praise was heaped on his abs. Noah probably doesn’t care one way or another, because DWTS surprised him by bringing his girlfriend to him. Delighted, Tom said, “I’m so proud of our staff – we usually leak like a sieve, but we kept this secret. We can do it when we try!”
Fifth Place, 26 points: Charlotte and Keo. Charlotte’s segment focused on all the cyberbullying she received after last week’s show, leading to an early-show segment full of PSAs about courage vs. cyberbullying. While we are somewhat sympathetic to Charlotte’s plight – no one likes reading nasty things about oneself – we have to ask why she was so shocked by all this. She is a public figure, surely she should know by now that the Internet is cruel, especially to beautiful women? At least the whole drama took the focus off Charlotte’s dancing, which is quite terrible. Sorry for being a cyberbully, Charlotte.
Last Place, 21 points: Chris and Witney. Chris started off the show ignominiously with a terrible cha-cha that was completely off music. Witney is evidently frustrated by a Prince Farming who can’t dance after working with a natural like Alfonso last season. But his segment was not a total waste, because it gave us the following exchange. Bruno: “You were much more erect tonight.” Tom: “So you watched him on the Bachelor too?”
What do you think of season 20 thus far? Who are your early picks to make the finals? Did you want to see more of Redfoo, or are you enjoying a Party Rock Anthem because he’s gone?
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