In the quarterfinals, dancing threesomes paved the way for a multitude of double entendres, and a single star was eliminated far too soon.
Tommy was declared safe at the very beginning of the night, so the specter of an unjust elimination loomed over the entire night, which goes some way towards explaining an exceedingly tepid quarterfinal. None of the “America’s Choice” couple dances were particularly inspired, and they all felt exceedingly short (I suppose, when they have to fit twelve dances with four judges critiquing and an elimination, time is of the essence). The trios picked up the pulse of the night, but they were hit or miss. The judges’ scoring was completely erratic.
The couple unfairly eliminated in the quarterfinals is… Lea and Artem! I am appalled, to say the least. Lea was the one to beat for the first half of the competition; then the judges began blatantly underscoring her, and producers always placed her dance as one of the forgettable first ones. Sure, she had an off week last week, but the fact that Tommy Chong made the semifinals over her is the biggest mistake made on this show since the dark days of season 11 (Kyle Massey and Bristol Palin). Peta looked really apologetic as she hugged them in the last seconds of the show; I think she’s as bemused by this run as any of us.
Lea had a very good last show. She did a samba that was sexy as hell (especially for a 53-year-old), that would’ve gotten nines had anyone else done, but was awarded a 34. She then did a trio paso doble with Henry (who seems to be a very popular pick for trio dances). It was a solid paso, though not much of a trio dance – Henry was just another body to ornament Lea for the most part. But best of all, Lea regained her sense of fun, letting us know that she enjoys having “men on their knees in front of” her. Alas, the Back to the Future star will have no mirrorball trophy in her future.
Let’s talk about Artem for a minute, because he has quickly become one of my favorite pros. His debut run was the third most successful of the last nine seasons (surpassed only by Tristan McManus placing fifth and Emma’s surprise trip to the finals with Bill Engvall). He is a shrewd strategist and a hard worker; this week he insisted on choreographing a proper samba for Lea. It’s easy to see why he won the UK version of the show, and if he returns (as I expect and hope he will), I think we can expect great things from him.
This week marked Derek’s record thirteenth appearance in a quarterfinal (he’s only missed one); Mark’s eighth (out of fifteen), Peta and Val’s fifth (out of seven), and Witney’s first. So, with any remnants of enthusiasm, let’s welcome our stars.
First Place (tie), 77 points: Alfonso and Witney (37+40). Alfonso performed an elegant foxtrot to begin the show. For his trio, Witney chose her childhood BFF Lindsay, whose age combined with Witney’s is less than Alfonso’s. I loved seeing Witney and Lindsay giggling and being silly together as Alfonso strove not to feel left out. Their trio paso doble was really cool – set to a terrible song, but the aesthetic was awesome, and the dancing was good. Lindsay and Witney did a great job highlighting Alfonso.
First Place (tie), 77 points: Janel and Val (38+39). When Janel has to do an actual ballroom dance, where she can’t substitute half of it with contemporary, she finds it to be quite a struggle, so rehearsal for her Quickstep drove her to tears. A few years ago, this routine would have been penalized down to sevens for all that messing about at the beginning – considering how short the routines were tonight, it’s extra lame to be wasting time. But, naturally, the judges give them nines and tens because of favoritism. In the same vein, I hadn’t the foggiest idea that their trio with Keo was dancing a salsa until the judges mentioned it – it’s absurd that they get a near-perfect 39 for doing freestyle yet again instead of the actual dance they were assigned. Between the laziness and the overscoring, I’m beginning to actively root against them. Which is a shame, because I want Val to win, and Val has always done much better jobs with his partners.
Second Place, 74 points: Bethany and Derek (36+38). Contrary to Derek’s belief, Bethany has experienced heartbreak, and channeled that into her Viennese waltz. It was a beautiful number, and while it didn’t transport Len to Vienna, it got him as close as Austria. Bethany is belatedly going for a vulnerability storyline, which would be a lot more convincing if she didn’t spill her guts on YouTube all the time and hadn’t been doing dances about bullying a month ago.
However, their trio was the only genuinely exciting dance of the night. They brought in Tony for the trio, who said that it’s great to work with a buddy whom he used to babysit. Argentine Tango is a tricky proposition for a trio, because it’s so much about a couple’s movements. But this was a true trio – Bethany was flying from one guy to the other seamlessly and constantly, with them weaving in and out of each other like a well-oiled machine. All those flicks and turns and lunges looked way cooler in a trio. There were not as many lifts as one would expect in an Argentine tango, but it was still one of the coolest I’ve ever seen.
Third Place, 73 points: Sadie and Mark (33+40). Aadie’s jive was her worst dance by far – flat-footed, no sharpness, no pointed feet. Props to Mark’s choreography, but Sadie was not up to the jive. The judges inflated her score, naturally, and Tom finally sniped at the booing crowd, “Were you not criticized as children?” For the trio, they ended up with Emma because Henry was spoken for (Mark wanted a size-appropriate guy, even though Henry is twice his size). I don’t envy him the task of doing a trio foxtrot, since ballroom dances force couples to be in hold, and are therefore the most challenging to do a trio for. The end result was Mark dancing with Sadie while Emma ran around them as fast as her gorgeous legs would carry her. It was a good foxtrot, a meh trio, and certainly not a dance worthy of a perfect score.
Last Place, 57 points: Tommy and Peta (29+28). I actually watched the trio, since Peta asked Sharna to join their trio, and watching those two dancing is quite enjoyable. Apparently, they go way back from the Australian competitive circuit; I am loving this insight into the relationships between professional dancers, I fell I haven’t gotten to know the new batch quite as well. The theme of the number was sexy flight attendants, which rendered all the judges completely incoherent. Tommy’s response to how dancing with the two hotties was: “Hard.”
Are you sad to see Lea go? Which trio did you think the most successful? And what was your favorite dirty joke of the night?
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