DWTS has a new theme up its bedazzled sleeve: Cirque du Soleil Night!
Naturally, this would be on a week Len is absent, as he simply would not tolerate so much messing about. Also in Len’s absence, the scores grew awfully inflated – we witnessed our first nine, first ten, and first perfect score all in the space of half an hour. As far as themes go, Cirque was fairly innocuous. It just meant the routines were a touch more acrobatic than usual, occasionally had weird acrobats or birds surrounding the couple, and shut down Lift Police Carrie Ann Inaba.
Tuesday night, we will have a double elimination, so the pressure was on. Let’s welcome our couples!
First Place, 30 points: Laurie & Val. A jazz routine to Michael Jackson is a license to dust off ten paddles. Sure enough, as soon as Laurie was done dancing, the judges could not throw enough superlatives at her. Tens across the board, which left Laurie eve more ecstatic than she already was, given she’s a huge Michael Jackson fan and was him for two Halloweens in a row. (Where are the pictures of this?! Or did DWTS’s research team focus all their efforts on Gleb’s underwear modeling?)
Second Place, 28 points: James & Sharna. James got the coveted final performance slot in the show, as he and Sharna quickstepped to glory. Despite breaking hold, they delivered a fantastic Quickstep, a perfect blend of razzle-dazzle and proper quickstep. Everyone keeps being amazed that James is as good as he is. If Laurie were not such a pre-ordained winner, smart money would be on James; as it is, we might be looking at a repeat of season 21, where Sharna was runner-up with Nick Carter to the unstoppable Bindi.
Third Place, 25 points: Terra & Sasha. Terra needs a major self-esteem boost, and everyone on the show has made it their mission to give her one. Sasha challenged her to perform a top-notch samba, and Terra was up to the challenge. She flubbed the promenade runs (a challenging move even without height differences), but her hip action and bounce were on point. She earned the first nine of the season, which Sasha was over the moon about. Terra needs to fend off Calvin, Marilu, and Jana, but we’ll probably be seeing her in the finals.
Fourth Place (tie), 24 points: Maureen & Artem. Maureen and Artem’s honeymoon is over, according to their package, which showed the couple getting frustrated with each other. This couple seems uniquely unsuited to conflict – Maureen is so full of feelings, she seems about ready to explode, while Artem’s forcefulness seems like it would squash Maureen’s timidity. But the frustration paid off with a beautiful tango, full of great lines and dynamic movement that not even a jumping bird could distract from. This is the week Maureen broke through, she just needs to keep the momentum.
Fourth Place (tie), 24 points: Amber & Maks. Looks like we got beef in the ballroom! After Julianne mentioned feeling uncomfortable during Amber’s bumping-and-grinding “salsa” last week, Amber took that as an affront on her body, feeling persecuted for being too sexy. Oy, we should all have such problems! She and Julianne got to clear the air on live TV – Amber went fishing for an apology, repeating that she was a positive person who just wanted to be positive. Julianne hilariously did not apologize for being uncomfortable during a salsa that was more suited to bedroom than ballroom, but said that she is only there to judge the dancing, not contestants’ sexiness. With that unpleasantness behind them, the judges all complimented Amber on being appropriately sexy during her burlesque, a dance that was uniquely suited to her. (Personally, we’d be more upset about those comments than the previous week’s, but Amber seemed happy.)
Fifth Place (tie), 23 points: Calvin & Lindsay. Calvin kicked off the show with a high-energy charleston. Lindsay made the most of Megatron’s impressive height by incorporating lifts, leading her to be miles up in the air. The lifts were impressive, as was Calvin’s keeping up with the speed of the routine. In a rather surprising twist, it looks like Megatron is getting this season weight loss storyline! Perhaps if he makes it to the finale, he too will burst through a banner of his former heavier self.
Fifth Place (tie), 23 points: Jana & Gleb. Jana struggled with balancing her concerts and her dancing, but after she and Gleb (adorably) decided to dance only for each other, she delivered a beautiful and exceedingly acrobatic foxtrot. We were very impressed at the marriage of Cirque elements with the foxtrot; so bravo to Gleb. The judges started getting into the minutiae of technique with Jana, which (as Tom pointed out) is a compliment.
Fifth Place (tie), 23 points: Vanilla Ice & Witney. Vanilla also had concerts to do all week, so there was precious little rehearsal for him. Yet, surprisingly, his dance looked more like a Viennese waltz than any of his prior dances. It’s still not quite in the league of most of the competent dancers, but it’s adequate. Given the looming double elimination, he chose a good time to break through.
Sixth Place, 22 points: Ryan & Cheryl. Cheryl somehow made this week’s Viennese waltz about water and swimming, which served to make Ryan more relaxed and happier than he’s been all season. The end result was a beautiful and graceful dance, Ryan’s best by a long shot. He just needs to keep improving to keep pace with the others.
Seventh Place, 21 points: Marilu & Derek. The Cirque production overwhelmed Marilu in her paso doble, which is a real shame. Elaborate paso dobles are a specialty of Derek’s, constituting some of DWTS’s greatest hits, but Marilu just got lost in the kerfuffle this week. She revealed she has highly superior autobiographical memory, a condition that leads to phenomenal memory that might be interfering with her muscle memory getting the dance steps. But per Marilu, it’s never interfered with her life before, other than in her first two marriages. It’s surprising to see Marilu this far down the leaderboard, but she unfortunately stumbled in a week where almost everyone else excelled.
Last Place, 18 points: Babyface & Allison. This couple had one job: hit all the spotlights in their tango to ensure they’d be lit as they danced. It was a cool concept. Unfortunately, the dance derailed spectacularly, which everyone acknowledged and tried to make the most of. Considering we barely ever remember Babyface is even on this season, this likely was his last dance.
Which two couples do you think will be eliminated? Did you like Cirque du Soleil as a theme? And do you ever feel persecuted for your sexiness?
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