I think I can say without hyperbole that this was the single worst episode of Dancing with the Stars I have had the misfortune of watching.
Guest judge Kevin Hart made for a miserable two hours; infernally convinced of how funny he is, and screeching like nails on a chalkboard. Of all the dreadful guest judges we’ve had the last two seasons, he knew the least and was the most irritating. That’s not even mentioning his absurd scores; I will discuss that in a separate post.
This week was Movie Night, which according to Tom is Hollywood’s biggest night aside from the Oscars. All the dances paid homage to classic films (or Guardians of the Galaxy). We are back to one-show weeks, leading to a very confusing elimination process and a very rushed elimination. But the couple eliminated in eleventh place is…
Randy and Karina! They had the misfortune to peak in his first week on DWTS. After he delivered a surprisingly good Foxtrot, there was talk of him being a dark horse… but it was not to be. He received the lowest score tonight, a 26, for his “Rocky”-themed paso doble. Karina was absolutely on fire in this routine… Randy, not so much. His timing was off, which was extremely noticeable because the Rocky theme has such distinct musical cues. Karina advised him to thrust so sharply that “half the people in that row should get pregnant!” Yet Randy left without any impregnations, graciously saying he was happy to have had this experience. This ties last season as Karina’s worst finish.
A seven-year-old record was broken tonight, when two perfect scores were given out! Only two stars ever got a perfect score in Week 4 – Sabrina Bryan in season 5, and Gilles Marini in season 8. No star has ever, in the history of the show, gotten a perfect score in Week 3… until now. Honestly, it’s exciting at the moment, but when stars have achieved perfection with two months left in the competition, it’s not as thrilling in the long run. Either way, let’s welcome our remaining stars!
First Place (tie), 40 points: Bethany and Derek. Bethany did a jazz routine paying homage to “Singin’ in the Rain,” which Derek took very personally because Gene Kelly was one of his inspirations. After putting a lot of pressure on himself and Bethany, the couple emerged with a routine that was ridiculously ambitious for Week 3. Yet Bethany managed to keep up, and they did the movie justice. The perfect score was deserved in my opinion. Bonus: we saw a four-year-old Derek doing a routine with an umbrella to the same song. Aaawww!
First Place (tie), 40 points: Janel and Val. The other jazz routine was set to “America” from West Side Story, and was a “star-making turn” for Janel. I don’t know if it was necessarily perfect, but it was frantic and chaotic and excellent. Apparently there were legal hurdles about choreography, but Val rose to the challenge magnificently. The single best part of the entire evening: for the lyric “I will have new washing machine,” Janel did her laundry on Val’s washboard abs. That is choreographing GENIUS. Carrie Ann, who was having a very quotable night, said Janel “gives good sex.” No further comment.
Second Place, 34 points: Tommy and Peta. Not quite as appalling as usual. It took place in a haze of smoke, so Tommy must have felt at home. Apparently Carrie Ann has spent quite some time in the presence of Yoda.
Third Place (tie), 32 points: Alfonso and Witney. If Len were here, he would have ripped Alfonso a new one for all that messing about. There was so little routine here, even Carrie Ann commented on it! The portion of the routine that was actually a Quickstep was quite good, but this was definitely more Austin Powers than Quickstep. Bruno’s maniacal evil laugh is terrifyingly good.
Third Place (tie), 32 points: Sadie and Mark. Sadie’s segment is so much more pleasant when her father is left out of it. This week’s package was about her meltdown over being in jeopardy last week. I’ll allow it; she is seventeen, after all. Her Viennese waltz with an Up theme was very cute. In rehearsal, Mark tied a big bunch of balloons to her to keep her afloat, and at the end of the routine she floated up in balloons. Adorable!
Third Place (tie), 32 points: Jonathan and Allison. There was a lot of drama about Allison’s choreography that I covered in a separate post. At the end of it, Jonathan and Allison delivered a proper tango themed around The Great Gatsby. I couldn’t figure out of Jonathan was stumbling or just very unsure on his feet. Jonathan and Allison were Not Necessarily the Bottom Two. I have to say, I’m very curious how this couple’s story will unfold throughout the season; there are so many directions it could take.
Fourth Place, 31 points: Lea and Artem. Lea delivered a very good cha-cha, but slipped down the leaderboard; I thought she was underscored. There was a slight mess-up with the hands, and I thought she lost timing during the Cuban breaks, but those are negligible errors. Better than her dance, however, was her wholeheartedly embracing the Back to the Future theme. Lea and Artem rehearsed so hard, they missed the show, so they had to go back in time from Tuesday to warn themselves. It was all delightfully goofy, and I wish we’d had more moments like that.
Fifth Place (tie), 29 points: Antonio and Cheryl. In case you forgot, Disney owns Marvel! So they will pimp out their new movie Guardians of the Galaxy, a movie still in theaters, alongside the classics. “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” is a great song (independent of GOTG), and the dance number was good (also independent of GOTG). The theme was not very pervasive, since Cheryl has not seen the movie. But in what universe was this a foxtrot? Carrie Ann noted, perfectly innocuously, that Antonio is “stiff in places that are a bit strange.”
Fifth Place (tie), 29 points: Betsey and Tony. It was a very nicely staged number honoring Ghost that ending in Tom entreating, “Tony, come back from the light!” Betsey is incredibly flexible, but doesn’t have much beyond that, so contemporary is as good as it’s going to get for her.
Last Place, 28 points: Michael and Emma. Well, how about that! On a night full of BS-ing, resident funnyman Michael delivered a no-nonsense and thoroughly competent waltz! It was themed around Robin Hood. Michael worked hard and delivered a solid dance, though his scores were not as inflated as everyone else’s. If Michael keeps this up, he could very well end up like Bill Engvall and approach the finals. I’m not counting him out yet.
What did you think of DWTS Movie Night? What movie would you like to see honored with a dance? And do you feel those early perfect scores were appropriate?
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