Glee season 5, episode 15, “Tested,” is all about STDs, cronuts and Artie being a creeper! Check out our recap of the episode which features all of the characters being tested in more ways than one.
The show starts with a World War II style news vignette about STDs with Blaine, Kurt, Sam and Artie dressed as sailors. They’re innocently unaware of the risk of a sexually transmitted disease in this imaginary segment – and it’s actually really funny.
Meanwhile, Blaine is raving over the international cuisine that New York City has to offer while he shoves an entire cronut into his mouth and realizes that he may be gaining the freshman 15. It’s worth noting that cronuts are just as delicious as he mentioned and we can not hold it against him to be shoving the entire thing into his mouth.
Artie has a legion of followers at his film school. He’s also dating multiple girls – all of whom are obsessed with Artie’s film talent. He has his heart set on one of the girls though: Julie. While watching Julie record a voice over for a film, Artie begins “Addicted to Love.” He asks Julie out but she says that she doesn’t date people with whom she works.
At NYADA, Kurt is flexing for guys in the class while Blaine watches on eating an entire bag of Cheetos. Blaine’s inner dialogue admits that he’s not sure he’s comfortable with Kurt being the leading man.
Mercedes thinks she has to have yet another conversation with Sam (these intentional pauses of serious talk are starting to get kind of intense). She admits that she’s a virgin and doesn’t want to do anything until she feels comfortable. Sam, being the boyfriend we all secretly want, says that Mercedes can call the shots moving forward.
In the very next scene, the bros are chatting about Samcedes and their sexual situation and Sam admits that he wants to get tested to be sure he is 100% clean. Kurt suggest that all of them get tested just to be safe, “including you Artie.”
Artie gets tested and finds out he’s positive for chlamydia. Artie stops everything with the guys and admits that he has the STD to which they all react in shock. Artie confesses he doesn’t use condoms. Sam goes in to “slut-shaming” mode as he goes and uses hand sanitizer while simultaneously screaming at Artie. The guys bring up great points: he could have gotten something that can’t be cured or he could have gotten a girl pregnant.
Artie tells one of the girls about the situation and she freaks out. She says she’s telling everyone to stay away from him and that his films suck. He tells the second girl who doesn’t think it’s a big deal at all. Julie, the girl Artie is into, changes her mind and says she wants to go out with him.
Sam reveals that he’s STD-free to Mercedes. She pulls him aside to tell him that she isn’t entirely sure she wants to go all the way and that she wants to turn to God for the answer as they sit through a church service. During the service, Mercedes is cued and sings “I Want To Know What Love Is.”
At fencing class, Kurt goes shirtless as a Spartan. He admits that he’s very confident but is looking out for Blaine who he thinks is vulnerable. Later, Kurt goes to look up showtimes for a movie on Blaine’s computer where porn site FratBoyPhysicals.com (don’t click that) is loaded on his screen. Kurt is shocked and tells Blaine he finds it interesting that they haven’t been intimate but that he’s been looking at this site. Blaine asks that they talk about it but Kurt doesn’t want to hear about it and he storms off. It’s starting to seem like these two have a new issue to deal with every single episode.
Meanwhile Rachel and Mercedes are hanging out when Mercedes asks about her first time. “As silly as it sounds, I want it to be special,” says Mercedes. Rachel says that it was special because both she and Finn loved each other. Rachel reassures Mercedes that Sam is a good guy and would never make her feel bad.
Back in Medieval Weapons Class (not the real name), Kurt and Blaine are still bickering. Blaine and Kurt go into “Love Is A Battlefield” with choreographed shields and swords, complete with slow motion Matrix-like moves.
At the Spotlight Diner, Samcedes are on a date when Kurt is working. Mercedes reminds Sam that while it’s nice that he’s going out of his way for her, he shouldn’t expect anything in return. Sam, again, being the boyfriend we all want and need, defends himself saying that he just wants to treat her right. Aww! Meanwhile, Artie is continuing to have his paranoia about his STD (complete with a mascot-style suit flagging him as an STD) and can barely speak as he’s on a date with Julie next to Samcedes. We flash back to reality, where Artie embarrasses himself by saying they shouldn’t be thinking about sex. Julie is all like “yeah, no, wasn’t thinking about that. I think I can handle that.”
Both Samcedes and Jartie (is that what we call Julie and Artie?) head back to Brookyln Bridge Park and sing “Let’s Wait A While” originally by Janet Jackson. It’s all about waiting for the right moment to have your first time. It’s also adorable. Julie looks a little weirded out that three people are just singing to her out of nowhere, but then joins in. Oh, Glee.
After praying on it, we flash to Mercedes and Sam sort of fooling around on the floor at their apartment. “Have you ever heard of the term ‘high dry and suffering?'” says Sam. “Have you ever heard of the term ‘hell to the no?'” replies Mercedes. Mercedes giggles as she asks Sam to sit up and talk. They’re talking again!? How many serious conversations can two people have in one 45 minute episode? Anyway, Mercedes tells Sam that she actually needs to wait until she gets married to go all the way. Sam being a guy is understandably frustrated. Sam says that he needs time to think about whether he’s willing to commit to a relationship that way.
Kurt and Blaine have a conversation about their dynamic. “It just feels like the whole balance has shifted,” says Blaine. Blaine feels like Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. Blaine admits that he’s insecure around Kurt and is scared that one day Kurt won’t love him anymore. Kurt tells Blaine he shouldn’t feel that way and that he’ll always love him. Teary-eyed Blaine hugs a somewhat annoyed-at-the-situation Kurt.
Artie spills the beans about chlamydia to Julie, who’s unimpressed with the situation. “Who you are is not who I thought you were,” says Julie before calling Artie a creeper.
Mercedes arrives back home where Sam has lit a zillion candles. He says he prayed on their situation and said “I can live without sex, but I can’t live without you.” God, Sam. You’re so perfect.
Mercedes and Rachel talk about the situation. Rachel admits that there was a minute between her and Sam. “He reminded me of home. He and Finn were very close,” Rachel reminisces about Sam. Mercedes then asks Rachel if there are any guys on her radar, in what is the first moment since the passing of Finn/Cory that we’ve heard Rachel talk about her romantic life. “This is closed for business,” she says. Mercedes reminds Rachel how amazing and beautiful she is and that she should “let a dude” buy her dinner.
On the preview for next week’s episode, titled “Opening Night” it’s Rachel’s time to shine in her Broadway debut in Funny Girl. Watch the preview for that episode below:
What did you think of Glee season 5, episode 15, “Tested?”
We want to hear your thoughts on this topic!
Write a comment below or submit an article to Hypable.