It’s Midnight Madness time and a small mob, including Rachel, Kurt, Brody, Beautiful New Adam, Rachel’s Gay Sycophants, and about thirty other students, sneak into a NYADA studio. Brody is the Tyler Durden of the situation, commanding the set-up and reading the rules – both singers sing the same song, one after another. At the end, the group is to stand behind the person they consider the winner, and majority rules. Only silent applause is allowed, for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on, seeing as if they’re going to get caught due to noise, they’re going to get caught because of the loud and piercing singing they’re going to do, but maybe it’s some time honoured tradition that once the contest starts, no sound is to be uttered besides the competitors’ voices. Kurt and Rachel are the first challenge, and Brody issues them their song, which seems to have been drawn at random. It’s “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables, and to Glee‘s utmost credit, it makes no “Today’s Pop Culture Reference!” to the new film – “Bring Him Home” is a famously difficult song to sing and it makes legitimate sense that it would be on the list of “challenge songs.” When Brody confirms that both Kurt and Rachel know it, Kurt, as tradition dictates, goes first as the challenger.
Much like their first “Defying Gravity” diva-off, we cut between Kurt and Rachel’s performances line-by-line, and they’re both good, but Rachel’s is a tad over-dramatic and Kurt had that glassy-eyed, ethereal quality to him that he gets when he’s being uncontrollably raw, where he is transported to that place it is he goes in his head where no one can follow, and I know he’s going to win. As he and Rachel stand up to be voted in, he whispers “that was good” to her, and she thanks him with a smile, but, I mean, this fight was over when Rachel stood up for Kurt in the hallway earlier. One of Rachel’s new “friends” sneers at her when she smiles expectantly at him, and goes to stand behind Kurt, and both Kurt and Rachel gape at him. Brody counts the votes and announces Kurt as the winner, by the closest possible margin. Kurt laughs delightedly as he receives more silent applause, including from Rachel, who looks ashamed and upset.
“What is with you glee club ex-pats? Don’t you have jobs? You have to have some source of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly own since you’re constantly showing up here.” PREACH, Sue. Santana tells her that she simply has a light schedule this semester, but Sue knows she’s lying – she got Santana the scholarship, so she’s had progress reports from Santana’s new coach. She dropped out of college a month back and begs Sue not to tell her mother. Sue seems unphased and offers Santana a job as her “heir-apparent,” to take over the Cheerios someday. Santana is impressed by the offer, and considers the fact that she would be close to Brittany. Sue asks her to decide by the end of the week.
Tina, who is now an official psychopath, watches Blaine happily discussing something with Artie across the hall. When he spots her, Blaine greets her happily, and calls her over. She stares angrily at Blaine, rips the photo of him down from her locker, slams the door and stamps over to Blaine and Artie, asking Artie to bugger off so she can yell at Blaine. Both Blaine and Artie rightfully look very confused, and when Artie leaves, Blaine starts thanking Tina for the soup, saying he feels better. He also produces the tub of vapour-rub, saying “I guess I used most of this? I don’t know how that happened.” This is the tipping point for a fuming Tina, who starts laying into Blaine like a jaded lover, ranting about how she gives him everything, all of her heart, and he doesn’t even appreciate it. Blaine takes a while to process that Tina is legitimately pissed at him as she rants about how a diva shouldn’t apologise for wanting what she wants. It is, to be fair, a very confusing statement to be hit with, especially if you’re a fairly oblivious boy whose only crime is falling asleep. But it is a truly wonderful parallel to Blaine’s help of Sam in the last episode. Blaine helped Sam because he loves Sam, as a friend, regardless of his crush, and he didn’t help him to try and edge his way into Sam’s heart. Tina, it seems, tried to help and look after Blaine with the end goal of getting something back in return, something more than his friendly appreciation, and when her soup and molestation doesn’t make Blaine fall in love with her, she’s angry at wasting her energy on helping him. Nice.
Blaine is thoroughly confused – and possibly a little offended – by Tina’s behaviour as he calls “That seems a little.. crazy” after her. She wheels around and retorts “no, that seems a little Tina Cohen-Chang. Respect.” She then launches into her diva performance, “Hung Up” by Madonna. The number mostly takes place in the courtyard and is not, aside from the start, a fantasy sequence – it’s her actual weekly glee club assignment, performed bold and brassy in public as the club, Finn and Emma watch. When Emma and Finn try to praise her, she cuts them off, flicking a towel over her shoulder and saying “don’t even worry about it” as she walks off. Blaine is quite amazed and impressed but continues to carry a look on his face that says “but what has this got to do with me?”
Back at NYADA, Kurt discusses his win with Adam. He calls it a lucky break, seeing as he’s been singing the Les Mis score since he was in seventh grade – “literally the entire score” (you and me both, Kurt) – but Adam assures him that, despite Kurt feeling conflicted, he won fair and square. Rachel’s two hangers-on rush up to him, gushing over him and inviting him along to their elite social plans, including signing up for the new Funny Girl open calls. Adam just stands there, and Kurt gives them that trademark Hummel horrified stare, wide eyes and drawing his head right back as they speak. When they finish, and look at him expectantly, he’s quick to tell them what he thinks – that they’re shallow and obnoxious, that they hang on to other people because they know they will never make it anywhere on their own, and that if they say another mean thing about Adam’s Apples, Kurt will challenge them at the next Midnight Madness. “And we all know how that will end.”
He shoos them off with a flick of his beautiful eyes and Adam laughs as Kurt turns back to him, dropping his normal face back on and favouring Adam with a tiny smile. Kurt Hummel is diva perfection – no misguided egocentric attitude, just a precise awareness of his power and control, knowing when to use it, and knowing it doesn’t consume him. Adam sees it, and calls it very impressive, but Kurt notices Rachel, sad and alone, and goes to her. He asks her to come with him to the Funny Girl open calls, trying to mend some bridges, but Rachel shakes him off, clearly disheartened and saying that he, Kurt, would make an amazing Fanny Bryce.
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