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Hypable

Imagine seeing one of these headlines in 2013. You’ll be shaking in your boots like we were when merely typing them out.

“Pixar announces Toy Story 4 in development”

Rumors over the past couple of years have suggested that Disney Pixar is kicking around the idea of a fourth Toy Story film. The murmurs come to the dismay of fans who don’t want to see the story extended past the happy ending where Andy said goodbye to his beloved toys. We think Pixar should focus on dreaming up new ideas rather than diving back into Toy Story.

“Netflix: ‘We know we suck now. We’re closing’”

The online streaming service has struggled to remain relevant in 2012 as competition from Amazon and Apple grows. Moreover, the content pickings have been pretty slim, especially when it comes to films that have been recently released on DVD/Blu-ray. Despite this, we love being able to cozy up with Netflix and have access to (most of) our favorite shows and films. If Netflix left us, where would we go for our endless entertainment?

Catching Fire delayed until July 2014, Lionsgate cites need for ‘summer tentpole’”

Harry Potter fans were traumatized in 2008 when Warner Bros. announced that they were pushing the release of Half-Blood Prince to the following summer because they needed a summer blockbuster. Lionsgate seems pretty happy with their November release dates, having scheduled the remaining three films for November 2013, 2014, and 2015, but if the need for a big summer hit beckons, it may be hard to resist pushing one of The Hunger Games films into a July opening.

Glee to be canceled following the end of season five, producers oddly blame lack of new songs to cover”

In 2012 we said goodbye to great shows we’ve covered like Terra Nova, Merlin, and Weeds. Ratings for Glee have been on a steady decline over the past couple of years, and Fox may consider an end to their once-successful show if the trend continues. Reasons for the show’s decline? A sometimes strange storyline, an unnecessarily large cast of characters, and breaks in the season which may hurt the show’s momentum. Despite the issues, we still love it and aren’t ready to see the kids go.

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special plans scrapped after former Doctors required huge, unachievable paydays”

Throughout this year we’ve been hoping to learn who and what the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special will involve. While details have still been light, we’re so nervous about it that we live in fear of it all falling apart. If we don’t see this headline in 2013, hopefully we will see this one: “David Tennant officially on board for 50th Anniversary Special.”

“Kristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson sign on to Twilight reboot”

The two stars have heard talk of it happening and rumors have teased us, but ultimately it would not be a good idea to see the Twilight series be rebooted or spun off in any capacity involving Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. Edward and Bella’s original story has ended, and now we must look forward to other vampire stories – perhaps told by Stephenie Meyer.

“Nicki Minaj releases new album”

This one we already know is going to happen. The rapper has announced Pink Friday: The Pinkprint for a 2013 release. We were very put off by Minaj when she had her American Idol judging outburst, and quite frankly we’re not looking forward to seeing her critique singers with actual talent on Fox’s singing show.

“Pottermore continues doing what they’re doing, fans continue visiting site five times a year”

J.K. Rowling’s Pottermore completed the release of the first two books this year, but we found ourselves bored with many of the “chapters” and “moments” throughout. We’re itching for new features to be brought onto the site, and if they keep chugging along as they did this year, then we’re not going to have much to look forward to. In fairness, we’ve thoroughly enjoyed J.K. Rowling’s new writing.

Sherlock series 3 delayed until 2014, Benedict Cumberbatch to blame for getting too popular”

The upside: Benedict Cumberbatch has had a huge year for his career. A role in The Hobbit as the dragon Smaug, a role in Star Trek: Into Darkness as Khan, and various smaller projects – all while trying to work in his Sherlock duties. But that’s just the problem! Cumberbatch has gotten so famous and perfect and amazing that Sherlock has had to take a back seat. Need tangible evidence? In November we learned that the production start had to be delayed due to Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman’s schedules.

Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin dies, series left unfinished, world says ‘Told you so’”

It’s a legitimate concern. Martin is old (64 years of age), and he’s taking his sweet time finishing up his A Song of Ice and Fire series. How do we tell our beloved, women crazed author to step it up a notch and get her done?

“Average movie ticket price skyrockets to all time high, movie torrenting propels to all time high too”

We love going to the movies, but damn if the cost of doing so hasn’t gotten pricey. This writer has found himself attending early morning showings of new films in order to see them on the cheap. With filmmakers and theaters looking to squeeze every last penny out of us using gimmicks like 3D and IMAX, we’re hoping the average price doesn’t continue to rise.

“Peter Jackson finds additional J.R.R. Tolkien appendices, announces The Hobbit will be a quinary”

The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit director Peter Jackson was already skating on thin ice when he decided to create two films out of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit book. Then earlier this year he and Warner Bros. decided to turn it into a trilogy. At this rate, we’re bracing for a decision to actually split the trilogy into a quinary (five films). Afterall, he’s got at least 20-25 minutes of material for An Unexpected Journey’s Extended Edition.


Thanks to MerelyFreshmen and HannahGann who contributed ideas to this article.

Which headlines do you NOT want to see in 2013? Write your own in the comments!

Honorable mentions (submitted by our readers while this article was in development):
- Scott: “Harry Potter rebooted with the cast of Twilight”
- Pablo: “New Arrested Development episodes disappoint fans”
- Jen: “Stephenie Meyer adds a fifth book to the Twilight series.
- Jamie: “Ender’s Game movie delayed/canceled.. again.”
- Lori: “Lionsgate casting Twilight TV series; Stephenie Meyer not collaborating”
- Jason: Disney buys whatever the hell is left for them to buy”

See also: 10 headlines we REALLY want to see in 2013: Spider-Man joins The Avengers, Meryl Streep cast in Mockingjay, and more.

  • http://twitter.com/PabloRV7 Pablo Ruiz V

    “Pottermore continues doing what they’re doing, fans continue visiting site five times a year” is my favorite. Great article Andrew!

    • Hagrid’s Coat

      I kind of like Pottermore the way it is. I like going in every once in a while and looking at the beautiful artwork for a few chapters at a time, picking up some beans (and other random things; I loved the lemon drops in Dumbledore’s office), and reading the new things JKR has to say. While CoS was a bit dull, it’s a pretty short book, and there isn’t a lot that can be said about it without giving away future plot. I think there is a lot more to come in the future books, though.

      • Plat

        I agree with Hagrid’s Coat, PARTIALLY.. I do enjoy everything that it includes right now, and imo people are just bored because they are used to the over-done media in today’s world, that when something is simple, it seems boring. However, I do think they could add a few things here and there to keep us entertained and more of a lasting and enjoyable experience. That way their 3-5 month break between releases seems well spent (instead of users only spending 2 hours on it every few months lol). I do feel that some people are being a little harsh when it comes to Pottermore though. It seems like its becoming a cult favorite. xD

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=33411927 Ashleigh Morgan

    I’m with Jamie! I will be so upset if they delay or cancel Ender’s Game

  • ravenclaw1991

    I’m so going to hell for this but… “Real life Hunger Games announced. Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus not picked to participate.”

    I’d die if Netflix closed D:

  • WhatTheGrace

    For a second there i thought they had post-poned Catching Fire haha!

    Pottermore needs to find a way of being more interesting, COS has been out for a couple of months and i haven’t been back to check it out. That title was very accurate!!

    I still find The Hobbit being split into 3 films ridiculous! I guess it’s awesome for hard-core fans but has anyone actually seen the size of the book. It’s only around 50 pages longer than Prisoner of Azkaban (UK version).

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003217053155 Liliana Baptista

      The Hobbit films are based not only on the Hobbit book, but also on the appendices of the 3rd LOTR book and additional notes by Tolkien himself…

      • WhatTheGrace

        Oh i see, fair enough, but splitting a book into 3 films is still highly unnecessary to me.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003217053155 Liliana Baptista

          Peter Jackson already said that the extended version is going to be at least 3 and a half hours… so he must have enough material… I saw The Hobbit a few days ago and I thought it was good… It’s no LOTR, but it was good nonetheless.

  • Jason

    Jesus.. I thought CF was delayed LOL

  • Grace

    I’m worried for a Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Headline like this: “Doctor Who 50th Anniversary to bring back no old actors, instead having Matt Smith, Jenna Louise Coleman, and Alex Kingston fight the Weeping Angels!” Though something like this might make for a good regular episode (well, depending on your POV) it is NOT 50th anniversary material, and based on Moffat’s writing and what he’s said, I would not be surprised if he did something like this.

    • http://harrymyland.com/ Harry Myland

      N’aw, at this point it’s all but confirmed that at least Tennant is coming back. Moff knows anything short of a multi-Doctor story will not suffice for the fans.

      • Samma

        I want Christopher Eccleston in there, too!

        • http://harrymyland.com/ Harry Myland

          If you want Christopher Eccleston to show up for the 50th Anniversary gimme a hell yeah!

          (HELL YEAH!!)

          • Meur123

            HELL YEAAHHH

          • http://twitter.com/bsbrock Janeth Gutierrez

            HELL YEAHH!!!!!

  • d3erudite

    Three things: The Nicki Minaj post made me laugh, the Catching fire post scares me, and one thing that could happen in 2013 that I don’t want to happen is another Potter book.

  • Em

    Love this article! The titles were pretty funny. Ex: “Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin dies, series left unfinished, world says ‘Told you so’”
    Also, no more toy story movies allowed!!! The ending for the third one was perfect!

  • Daughter of Eve

    Glee SHOULD be cancelled.

    • Jenny Finan

      I Second.

    • frezb

      I agree. Frankly, the headline I do not want to see is Glee confirmed for two more seasons. Or anything along that line.

      • http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

        I don’t mind it going on. I’d be more concerned if it was ‘Darren Criss renews his contract with Glee for 2 years and will never release a solo album’

    • http://twitter.com/bsbrock Janeth Gutierrez

      As someone who once considered Glee one of her favorite shows ever, I completely agree.

    • Marie

      I love Glee, but I’d be ok with season 4 being the last season, since everyone really worthwhile will have graduated, and I am really over Blaine being Kurt’s puppy-dog.

  • http://twitter.com/TrueKlainer21 DON’T DREAM ITS OVER

    If Glee ever is canceled, I wont know what to do with my life anymore. I envision myself vrying a lot..

  • Elphaba Thropp

    If Netflix dies, I die. The rest I think I can live with (as painful as Doctor Who 50th and Sherlock 2014 is, it’s better than no Doctor Who and Sherlock!!!)

  • Just Sayin’

    Average Movie Ticket. My wife and I hit the new releases on their opening day at the first showing of the day. The theatre is empty, even on the most popular of releases (IE: Transformers, Harry Potter, Avengers, etc). Then to top it off, we either buy or have gifted to us, discount movie tickets issued by the theatre where the price is only a fraction of the cost. So we are either going for free or only paying $6 for a normally $13 show.

  • kitster_kosh

    “Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin dies, series left unfinished, world says ‘Told you so’” LOL

  • kitster_kosh

    “Hunger Games Reality T.V. Show to Debut Next Year”
    …oh wait…

  • Riku

    ….I saw the Netflix closing and freaked the heck out, until I read the rest of the title…

    • Teranel

      I freaked out more by the Catching Fire delayed image.

  • Lee

    glee being canceled wouldn’t exactly bother me…..I just want a spin off with Rachel and Kurt by themselves that it and Netflix cant close all the college student in America are keeping it running. lol

    • Ande Anderson

      Totally agree with the Netflix thing. How else would college students procrastinate?

      • http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

        You just defined me

  • Sarah

    Great article :D !!!!

    I also love that you wrote that you DON’T want Glee to be cancelled. Very nice. Glee gets a lot of hate these days…..

  • http://twitter.com/SlySound Brett

    Netflix doesn’t really have any competition from Amazon (yet). The vast majority of titles available from Amazon are also on Netflix. Furthermore, the number of people using Apple TV is minuscule compared to Netflix. Netflix will be around for a few more years until a company can actually do a better video rental business plan.

  • Glaciusx

    Everything but Glee being canceled would give me a heart attack. It’s time for that show to go!

  • http://www.eigakanthemovietheater.blogspot.com Jenny Leigh

    I saw the Pottermore one and then looked to see who wrote the article — yepp Andrew!

    • http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

      I didn’t even look at the name… lol

  • gcw07

    I see at least 3 of these things happening, though not necessarily in 2013. Glee will and should be cancelled, probably not this year, but next. There will be a Toy Story 4. That or a spin-off of some characters. I won’t be shocked if season 3 of Sherlock is delayed until 2014 and I think season 3 will be the final season of the show. I just don’t see either star continuing on with the show beyond the upcoming one.

  • http://www.style-abuse.blogspot.com/ Marcia

    Benedict is not actually confirmed as Khan. At least, not yet.

  • Rachael

    I am actually really happy about 3 Hobbit movies.

    When movies are based on books… like The Hobbit
    Fans always complain about parts that are left out. And now they are making more movies out of the book, to give us what we were asking for, and we complain that its too long.

    Yes, its for money, (everything in the world revolves around money) but who really cares as long as we get 3 good movies out of it?

  • PotionWillow207

    The only thing on this list that would really make me cry would be George R.R. Martin dying. I think I would really have a serious breakdown. Glee should have been cancelled last season with the graduation. Toy Story 4 would be annoying, but sequels are really popular right now. Catching Fire wouldn’t bother me one bit. I’m waiting for the DVD on that one since I didn’t really care for Hunger Games. Unless, Stanley Tucci is in in a LOT. The rest of it…well, it’s to be expected.

  • http://twitter.com/ivangatewood Ivan Gatewood

    Flop article. Glee should have been cancelled 2 seasons ago. Netflix is never going to close, and Nicki Minaj makes catchy tunes

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045615098 Riana-Tiana Menezes

      Correction: She doesn’t ‘make’ anything. ‘Make’ would imply that she actually produced her songs when we all know that she only sings her catchy songs.

      • http://twitter.com/ivangatewood Ivan Gatewood

        of course she doesn’t produce her songs, she’s a singer not a producer. Are you saying that only music producers make music? If that’s the case then Adele didn’t make any of her songs as well. I’m pretty sure the singer/writers deserve some credit. By the way, Nicki co wrote all of the songs on her latest album.

  • RumbleroarLuna

    The thumbnail made me think catching fire actually HAD been delayed, and then I read the headline and thought netflix was closing too, and clicked on it and saw the hobbit being split again (but that was after i figured out what it actually was) thanks for that, andrew :P

  • Jake

    The Hobbit one. Well said. I think it would have fared much better as one “Return of the King”-length movie. But then again, remember when the last HP movie was split, and most everyone wasn’t happy? And the last two movies turned into some of the best movies of all time?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045615098 Riana-Tiana Menezes

    “Average movie ticket price skyrockets to all time high, movie torrenting propels to all time high too”
    I have a strong feeling that we will definitely see this headline in 2013.

  • willowswanderings

    The Fault in Our Stars filming cancelled as nobody can capture the awesomeness that is Augustus Waters

  • http://twitter.com/Thomassholan Thomas Sholan

    Will you guys please stop saying Cumberbatch is playing Kahn. He hasn’t been confirmed as Kahn and in fact Paramount released an official picture from the movie and said he was playing John Harrison in the caption. http://www.fandango.com/movieblog/star-trek-photo-finally-reveals-benedict-cumberbatchs-identity-728363.html

    • http://twitter.com/Thomassholan Thomas Sholan

      Otherwise great article though.

    • Liderc

      How’d that turn out for ya? lol

  • http://twitter.com/notenoughpuff Sarah

    “Stephenie Meyer buys rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whedon gives full blessing.”

    Haha…no.

    • Glaciusx

      THAT IS HONESTLY THE MOST TERRIFYING THING EVER.

    • http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

      Meyer is planning on giving The Slayer and sparkly Angel’s relationship a new twist,

  • http://xyue-mayx.deviantart.com/ Dreamer

    I don’t know what I would do if netflix closed! I’d go broke trying to buy all the stuff that I watched through it.

  • Jordan

    I really want Glee to be cancelled lol

  • Teranel

    “Merlin producers talk reboot, cast Jamie Campbell Bower as Arthur”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Maria-Wang/542480760 Maria Wang

      eghhh, let’s not go through all that again LOL!

  • Matt N

    Glee has been quite terrible for a while now, it should’ve already been cancelled. Yes it still has a large fanbase, but I’d say it’s lost the majority of it. Even a lot of people who do still watch it, don’t like it as much.

  • http://twitter.com/blastdragon Bert van Meeteren

    “End of the world causes Hypable.com to close”
    “YouTube let viewer pay for every minute watching a video”
    “Warner decides VHS is the future of the movie industry”
    “Marvel and DC stop making comics while keeping rights of characters”

  • Gary65

    I saw the pic before I saw the headline & I nearly had a heart attack. Thanks Andrew -_-

  • Gary65

    I’ve been worried about GRRM dying for a long time now. The world is too young to lose him.

  • claystripe6514

    I’m ready for Glee to go. It’s gotten pretty dang awful lately, and it’s really holding back a lot of it’s incredibly talented cast members *cough* Darren Criss *cough* from moving on the bigger and better things.

    • http://twitter.com/Tygridia Tygridia

      preach

  • Bo

    Um what’s wrong with Nicki Minaj?

    • http://twitter.com/dreamfall31 Kevin Slechta

      Um….her music sucks ass and she is a terrible person. Maybe those two things?

  • Audrey

    I’m sorry, I feel like this whole site constantly piles crap onto Nicki Minaj. She is one of my favorite musicians and people, and I’m really tired of people saying she sucks when, if you were open to digging beyond the mainstream pop and popular insults, realized she is caring, talented, and inspirational?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045615098 Riana-Tiana Menezes

      I don’t people hate her because of her music. (I agree, some of her songs are pretty good for dance parties and clubs etc.) I just really hate her attitude. She acts like a total drama queen and a muliti-colored diva and that just gets really annoying after a while.

  • morgen71

    I glanced at the picture for the headline without reading the actual headline and I got scared for a second.

  • of_nightingales

    I’d like to see “John Green to run for Presidency in 2016″ as a headline.

  • Azeem

    Apple releases another product…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  • megan

    lol, I would actually scream in frustration if Catching Fire was delayed.

  • Rose

    ”Christopher Nolan dies”

  • http://twitter.com/dreamfall31 Kevin Slechta

    Christopher Eccleston better say yes to Doctor Who 50…I know he had issues playing him for the one series he did. I thought he was awesome, and I find him miles better than Matt Smith!

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