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In this column, Richard gives his ever offensive opinion on the latest Bieber story to grace the internets: the pregnancy rumour.

There are some things in life I hate (foxes, tuberculosis, vegetarians), often for no good reason other than I just can’t bring myself to like them. A fox once run in front of my car while driving at high speed; it of course died and probably quite painfully, but this pain was inconsequential to what I felt when I received the bill to repair the damage it caused. I don’t actually know anyone who has tuberculosis, but if I did, I’m willing to be they don’t like it very much. And as for vegetarians, well anyone who refuses a hamburger is surely worthy of suspicion. However, lately I’ve found a new hate and unlike my previously listed peeves, this one genuinely makes me sad.

Apparently, Justin Bieber impregnated a woman after an apparent concert and apparently she wants money for this and apparently he’s going to take a DNA test to counter the apparent claim and apparently he’s going to win and he’s then going to take her to an apparent court. This is as much of the situation that I care to describe. There are probably more details but unfortunately my brain has prohibited me from remembering them on the basis that they are so dreadfully boring. I really don’t care what Justin Bieber does (or doesn’t do); I don’t even care what he sings. I can honestly say that I don’t know a single Justin Bieber song. But, some people do care and what’s more, they care too much.

When the news broke, Bieber’s fans – known as “Beliebers” (or as “vajazzled-up rat bags” as I like to call them) – took to Twitter to voice their displeasure about this news and produced a 14million-sized bag of tweetish bile. Now, don’t get me wrong, I routinely take to Twitter (or Hypable) to partake in a healthy slagging of whatever nonsense is irritating me this minute and bile is the best form of it. I think it’s great! But I like to think there is a certain craft in my words that help readers see that I’m not being altogether serious most of the time. I’ve never decided that the Temporal Lobe in my brain should be turned off and to thus render myself capable of only hurling projectile e-Vomit such as “OMFG DIE BITCH” targeted at Bieber’s apparent “bit on the side”. One Belieber was at least able to craft a poetic sentence: “Roses are red, violets are blue, stay away from Bieber or Beliebers will kill you,” to which I can only assume required some stimulus from the brain. Pity it was wasted.

The sad part is, Twitter provides the ideal medium for this concoction of readable wank and it’s hard to inject any form of wit or merit into 140 characters and as a result, we witness what has become a campaign of gross bullying from the sad and pathetic. I genuinely thought we were past lynch-mobs when witch-hunting died out several hundred years ago. Now, I could go on about how this indicates a far deeper problem in modern-day society, and how education is to blame and how parents are to blame and how Justin Bieber’s wonderfully precise hair is to blame but I don’t any of those things are. The internet as a whole has become a brilliant place for the disenfranchised to become interested, for the interested to become fans, for fans to become fanatics and for fanatics to become scarily obsessed. The woman who formed this story is almost certainly making it up and she will be proved wrong and then publicly humiliated in the worst way; she had that coming to her. Why is there this apparent need to threaten her life as well? And when people are so far along the spectrum of obsession, you wonder how far these folk will actually go. Is it all talk (or tweets) or is there a real deeper malice behind the words that could be easily enacted?

Of course, media outlets are no saints either. You will notice in almost every article about this story, Mariah Yeater is pictured in the most unflattering way the journalist could find while they maintain some high and mighty stance. I can’t help but scoff at the irony of this given that such journalists are usually the ones tapping your phones, rummaging through your rubbish bins or paying you to let them wipe your arse if they are allowed to write about it afterwards. It is lowbrow journalism at its finest.

Anyway, I digress. If you want to voice your opinion on something you don’t like, by all means do it. It does, after all, get a little bit lonely being malevolently facetious all the time by oneself. However, please do your upmost to at least inject SOME form of thought into your rantish bile; for my benefit more than yours. And then everyone will be happy. Or miserable. Or both.

  • jp

    yeah in the news its all about bieber might have got someone preggo and not about important things like the debt crisis etc.

  • http://www.rebellionradiopodcast.com Hurley

    Oh Richard. How thankful I am for you on Hypable, saying what nobody else will say.

  • Cdremsabell

    I learned a new word today…vajazzled-up(rat bags). Can you just use vajazzled by itself or does it have to go along with the -up? Pretty much summed up the way i feel too. LOL.

    • goldensnidget

      oh, you can use vajazzled on its own… although if you’ve only just learnt this word, then I’m guessing you don’t know what it means, and trust me, you don’t WANT to know.. ;)

  • Guest

    Regardless of how I feel about this issue, do you really think an article like this makes your website look GOOD? If so, then you’re nuts. Keep your nasty opinion to yourself. And no, I am not a Justin Bieber fan, but I WAS a Hypable fan.

  • http://fafafab.tumblr.com/ fafafab

    I feel the same way about the Little Monsters and Rihanna Navy and Britney’s Army, and Gleeks and even some PotterHeads

    there’s something about the concept of “let’s get together and obsess about this or that” that really creeps me out and makes me wanna run in the opposite direction, even though I’m really obsessive and passionate about the things I like

    also, I can relate to anyone who’s not afraid of being a hater and is eloquent enough to explain the reasons behind it

  • Guest

    Are you saying that you think that article was eloquent? That was one of the largest piles of rudeness, obscenity and utter nonsense I have ever read. I’ve been a long time fan of Andrew; I listened to MuggleCast & even Smart Mouth (although they were just as rude an awful on there as this article…), but after this, I think it’s the last straw. Sorry Hypable, but you lost a fan with all of this nonsense. You’re a news site, not a disgusting gossip rag.

    • Thecougar6

      This is a news site WITH opinion pieces. Don’t read the opinion pieces if you only want the news.

    • Laura

      Hey, you were warned this would be offensive.

      What’s more, this is not JUST a news site. Hence the list of opinion columns on the right side bar (A Look Inside, Andrew’s Take, Jeremy’s Angle, etc).

    • Morsmordre79

      This wasn’t an article. It was part of a column, and is therefore an opinion piece. You know – that whole freedom of speech thing?

    • Landon Hershey

      This is an opinion collumn if you want  cold hard facts go to NBC.com

    • VivaLaVita

      I suppose someone forced you to click on the link that lead you to the column in the first place, right?If you’re oh-so-offended by the opinions of others you shoud have stopped being a fan a long time ago.

  • HarryGleeHungerFan

    In all fairness to those offended by this article: You were warned. The first sentence clearly states that Richard is giving his “ever offensive opinion on the latest Bieber story” If you are the type of person easily offended, maybe you should be a little more selective of the types of stories you read. 

    Thank you Richard! I have never been a “belieber” & I truly hate these stupid celebrity rumors that just waste precious time & brain capacity. It’s human nature to want to know more about the famous & infamous, but lately the media has dipped to an all new low…

  • Tisha

    Ha I love this article. I am a Justin Bieber fan, and I just wanted to let you know that not all of his fans are scarily obsessed. I agree that it’s completely wrong for people to be sending anyone death threats, even if they don’t mean it.

  • Rose

    You’re right, this IS incredibly offensive. And not only to Beliebers, but to anyone who has been part of a fandom and stood up for their favourite artist. I’m disgusted with Hypable for letting you post this. 

    • Laura

      I may be wrong, but I think there is a minute (read: huge) difference between standing up and showing your support for an artist and sending death threats to the offending party. Just saying.

    • SlythVx13

      I’m sure their favorite artist wouldn’t want them doing things like that anyway. I want to feel proud of my fandom, not embarrassed by it.

      • Anon8

        I think most artists are just thrilled they have a bunch of paying fans :)

    • Doctor

      You’re disgusted? Come on. The truth of the matter is people take things too far. They overreact and send awful, hateful, thoughtless things to people. Look at Selena Gomez: she got death threats because she dates him. There is a line and people do cross it. However, simply standing up for someone is NOT condemned in this article. (“If you want to voice your opinion on something you don’t like, by all means do it… However, please do your upmost to at least inject SOME form of thought into your rantish bile.”)

  • Morsmordre79

    This is awesome. Completely and utterly awesome. :)

    I think what some of these commenters seemed to have overlooked is that this is not an article. It is a column. An opinion piece. You’re more than allowed to rant about whatever you want in your own column. Andrew’s done it, Nick’s done it, so why not you? Fair is fair. Besides, this one even comes with a warning so people have no reason to whine.

    Cheers to you for telling it like it is. :)

  • jordan.d

    LOL, Richard I love you, thank you for this!

  • SlythVx13

    I’m just tired of every single thing like this making national news, being blown way out of proportion, and getting more publicity than it needs. They shove this stuff down our throats, even when we don’t care. Yet, after this whole ordeal is over and done with, she’ll still be doing interviews and will probably get a magazine cover. He’ll still get more publicity than he already does (I’m not a Belieber, but I do like some of his songs so I never bash him, and I don’t like people who do). Just like this Kim Kardishian crap. It’s everywhere, and I can’t escape it even though I could care less. But no, she’s trending on everything and for the next 2 months, that’s all journalists will be covering as if it’s the most important thing happening in the country.

    Society seems to be obsessed with this cycle… build something up way too much, then the minute something happens, tear the same thing down way too much. Then the minute they feel like the tearing should be over, they start building all over. And then along with that comes ridiculous, uncalled for bashing… something else society seems to obsess over these days.

    While many of Bieber’s fangirls might be crying out “OMG DIE”, there are people who say the same thing about Justin himself, making fun of his sexuality, his appearance, whatever. That shouldn’t be ok either. If I hate something or someone THAT much, I don’t go out of my way to watch videos or interviews or comment death threats to a person I’ve never met or don’t care about. If it comes up in conversation, sure, I’ll rant. But never with all of this unnecessary malice. But these days, everyone loves a good internet lynch-mob and it’s disgusting

    • SlythVx13

      I guess what I was trying to say somewhere in this is that an eloquent hater is still a hater. I thought we weren’t supposed to humor people like that..

  • Thecougar6

    Good for you for letting loose, Richard. For those of you who can’t be bothered to read PROPERLY, this is an OPINION piece. It is not news, it is commentary ON the news. And Richard is at perfect liberty to say whatever he likes, and whatever his opinion might be. There’s no reason to boycott Hypable just because of one article, written by one writer (as much as I think he friggin’ rocks.) Hypable is a great site for entertainment news no matter how you slice it.

  • Anonymous

    FOX’S RIGHTS!!!!!!!

    Maybe you shouldn’t drive so fast Richard. Besides, what kind of crappy car are you driving that gets you a bill for repairs from hitting a fox? Its not a deer.

    • http://twitter.com/20619T Craig Thomson

      You’ve never hit something at 60mph before, have you…

      • Anonymous

        I have. But its a fox. It’d do more damage if I hit a dog. My mom ran over a Golden Retriever(which is a hell of a lot bigger than a fax) once and the car came out relatively unscathed, save for a small dent just above the license plate. The Golden Retriever, on the other hand, wasn’t as lucky :’c( 

        • http://twitter.com/20619T Craig Thomson

          Modern cars are designed to crumple. A lot. Hitting a fox at 60MPH will damage the radiator of any normal car rated at NCAP rating 5. You are hitting something, whilst small has a significant mass, with a huge amount of force at 60mph.

          It will damage your car. It has damaged Richies car. Foxes are evil. 

          • Anonymous

            It sounds kind of stupid for an older car to take an impact better than a new one. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? The fact remains that I live in the country and my mum, dad and I have have hit a dog, cat and rabbit respectively. The dog did the most damage, which wasn’t much. And our car isn’t ancient. Its only ’05

          • http://twitter.com/20619T Craig Thomson

            Newer cars are designed to protect the passengers from impact by crumpling everywhere,absorbing the majority of the impact forces.

            It depends where the fox hits the car, but to say it wont do any damage, in the face of evidence to suggest that it did do a significant amount, is foolish at best. I don’t think Richie is likely to lie about something like this…

          • Anonymous

            I’m not saying Richie lied. I’m saying his car sucks.

  • Anonymous

    Can we just kill Justin’s career and put an end to it. When is his voice going to break already?

  • Emma


  • Anonymous

    Richard, I agree with you about this rumor – it’s absurd.  I also confess there are things in life I dislike for no good reason other than I just can’t bring myself to like them.  One of them is The Bieber and another is all the Kardashians.

  • Musician

    Judging from the context, I’m pretty sure Mr. Reid was accusing so-called fans that cannot control themselves and commit Twitter-based assault (because assault includes threatening injury, not just attempting it), not all people who like Justin Bieber and not Bieber himself. He said the rumors are boring and that the comments from people who let themselves become unhealthily obsessed with the issue are fools, which I think is something most informed Hypable readers can identify with. He also attacked the media. He ought not to be faulted too much for any of these things, except maybe for calling Bieber fans va-jazzled rat bags. But in context, I think he was referring to the death-threat-producing fans, not all of them.

    • Musician

      I meant vajazzled-up.

      • http://www.hypable.com Richard Reid

        This is correct.

  • Anon8

       Beliebers encourage hate and extremity from each other. Twitter has honestly turned into what used to be the typical middle school fan girl (i.e Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, etc) into a bile fest. The community of beliebers as a whole has made it the norm, and that is why it is so out of control. The thing is, nothing can stop it but time. Just ignore it (or make fun of it and remember this fondly in 20 yrs).

        On a side note, I know you were joking, but tone is difficult to portray through the internet and I thought your vegetarian hate was a little hurtful. Not OMG DIE BITCH, lol, but a little unnecessary.

  • http://www.facebook.com/louieschuth Louie Schuth

    This is the BEST thing I’ve read in a LONG time.

    • http://www.hypable.com Richard Reid

      I aim to please!

  • Melv1024

    It’s an opinion piece people. OPINION. If you expect NEWS, don’t read it. If you’re a hardcore Belieber, don’t read it. If you don’t have a sense of humor, DON’T READ IT. Calm yo’selves! Lol.

  • Lorena

    Thank you. Coherent thoughts, none of the dribble we’re forced to put up with. Thank. You.

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